eve

sardou

what is my problem? maybe i'm just not cut out for dating
somebody...i mean, i love him and maybe i'm even a little
bit in love with him, but i think he likes me more then i
him, which is so hard for me to deal with! plus, i'm
horrible at like waiting for people, and having to explain
everything that i'm doing. and why should i have to walk w/
him every day after lunch? i mean, obviously i don't mind,
and its nice just to have those few minutes to talk, but
why should he get all pissy if i have to run upstairs and
talk to mr. smith? i'm always busy, and i have having to
stop and like check in to let him know. its not his
problem, its compleltey mine. i know that. and i feel so
bad. he sent me an email and was like "do you care about me
at all?" well i could say the same to him because its not
life he ever goes out of his way to talk to me in school or
whatever, and he calls me just as much as i call him (which
isnt very often) and i don't know how i know he cares about
me, because its not life he says anything, i just know. how
come i can do that and he cant?
another note, one i feel guilty about... on my away message
i had "i feel like shit, leave me alone." so jamaal leaves
me a msg: "awwww, is she sick?...u want me to come down
there with some chicken soup and make u feel all better?
anyway, i'm out....peace" and my first gut reaction
is "aw," which isn't bad but sometimesi wish i could just
flirt w/ him and not feel bad....
i would cheat on sardou. i know i would. what the fuck is
my problem??
ugh. and i have to write sardou back and 'explain' myself
basicly, and i just don't know if i can.
done now.