Beau2fulCreature

Half the Sugar, Twice the Spice
2002-03-22 23:01:20 (UTC)

Public Privacy

Public Privacy...haha. I always thought diaries were
secretive and personal, but i guess it wouldn't hurt to
have other people respond to what i write, instead of
getting no response from that damn book of full pages.

It's my first entry, so I'll prolly write a lot, but can
you really blame me?

I'm 16, and confused. Most teens are I guess. My boyfriend
and i have been going out for 3 weeks now, which is the
longest relationship i've been in. wait, it's the only
relationship i've been in. He's good to me, and it's nice
for a change. I actually get out of the house now. I'd die
if i spent anymore time in this suffocating house. My dad,
addicted to his work, is never home. My mom makes up for it
though. She's always around, and i know i'm lucky to have
her around. I wish that she'd back off sometimes. For
example, I'm your classic honor roll student, who doesn't
start doing their work until you get a progress report.
I've already been grounded from the car since I got two Cs
on the marking period report. They actually removed the
computer from my room when i dyed my hair red a couple
months ago. When I asked my mom if she'd be ashamed to be
seen in public with me because of the color of my hair, she
said yes. I still haven't forgotten it, and i doubt i ever
will. My own parents, who expect me to love them on the
sole basis of them being my parents, would actually think
less of me because of the color of my hair. That hurts.
Old school parents, gotta love em. Gotta have manners, have
to listen to the right music, have to look like them. You
shouldn't believe in one thing(appearances, morals, etc.)
because of your ignorance towards other possibilities.

On to my boyfriend Alex. We've been great friends for a
couple years, so we know each other pretty well. He's
everything I look for in a guy: sweet, funny, smartass,
shameless flirter, shy, and he says the sweetest things at
the most unexpecting times. The other day, things got to be
a little too intamate in my room, and it was my fault. I
always told myself that i would feel and say the word love
before i ever lost my virginity, but i came dangerously
close tuesday. it scares me that i can lose control with
him. I guess you can say that i was in the moment. i don't
know. i wasn't thinking. Alex was the one to back away, and
i don't blame him. He said that we did stuff that should've
happened further in our relationship, and i completely
agree with him. I feel horrible that I put him in a weird
position. I don't know what to do. I can feel him pulling
away from me now. He's prolly trying to get back on the
track that we were on before. lol, before everything seemed
like clockwork. week 1: we told eachother how we felt about
eachother week 2: he asked me to be his girlfriend week 3:
he hugs me week 4: he kisses me The sad thing is, is
that everything happened exactly 7 days after the previous.
I don't like having everything so timed out. I don't know
what to do. I want to talk to him about it, but i really
don't know what to say to him. Oh-well, I've talked enough
for one day.




Ad: