Sarahbellum

merry-go-round

looking down at yesterday
wanting to reel it back
yet don't know what to say
you are cold and it's dark
you are scared and alone
you want to leave this place
and don't know the way home
the pit of yesterday is black
and you refuse to jump in
yet tomorrow is just as bleak
there is no where to begin
so still you stand in today
scared to move ahead
yet you know you can't go back
yesterday is all but dead

I can't wait to sing that song...'School's out for
summer' It is ridiculous how tired I am. There is so much
knowledge I must cram into my head before Monday. Then I
must go in search of a job. It is sad to think that with
one year of college complete I may be working in some fast
food restaurant with people who refuse to speak proper
English. Why is it I can't be bringing home more than 6
dollars an hour? If I had two kids to support I would be
on welfare. Sadly enough, to meet the minimum required to
raise two young children a mother would need to make well
over ten dollars. I don't know why I am bleeding into my
sociology class. I'm lucky I don't have kids...I always
wanted two kids. A little girl and a little
boy. I had their names picked out in the seventh grade,
but they are out of style and after using them everytime I
played house, they wore out. I never wanted the dog and
the picket fence. My eyes were set on grander things. I
want multiple houses across the globe, a beach house,
castle, mansion, new york apartment. I want stone walls
around my property with a circular drive and a fountain. A
marble foyer (i wonder if i spelled that right...why can't
we make up our own spelling of words? Shakespeare is
famous and he made up his OWN words...I shall be considered
shakespeare.
I did not misspell it...I personalized it.) And this
is my life...when i close my eyes, I live in my castle in
the sky. I don't want to be rich, I want to be happy.
Perhaps these desires are not for material things, but
symbols of what is important. I want security....I
want...I want....I want...I am.