1 day in a life as it dies
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2002-03-20 06:48:41 (UTC)


OK so I sat online for 12 hours today and I didnt even move
but like 3 times I was waiting for something but I dont
know what it was. I talked to Nicki tonight (god I love her
so much I wish I could tell her that and hold her but I
cant) and Travis is now home he was just cooling down with
a friend well now hes home and me and her are going to
taper off talking again, before they were dating I would
talk to her everyday and when he was gone I could do the
same but when they are daiting I am lucky to get to talk to
her once a week o well they are happy so I am happy for
them, I yelled at her today for no real reason I just shot
off I was so pissed at myself for that I mean she was just
worried about me and I yelled at her, me and Rosie talked
to I dont know why I cant stop talking to her she wrote
some poems about me that I really liked I wish I could
still write poems but I cant do it anymore people say I
used to be good at it, I am getting nearer to just running
the hell away from this hell hole my mom is yelling at me
almost all the time while she gets my bro whatever he wants
thats why I stoped shopping with her I would ask her for
soemthing she would tell me no and said we dont have the
money and then go get something for my bro for twice the
price I mean she is spending all this money on the inside
of his dumb ass car that doesnt run and even if it did he
cant drive it or another 2 years while my car runs and I
drive it and it is held together by duck tape and the roof
is coming down, she doesnt even pay for the gas my grand
mom does I hate her so much, my dad is worse see my car
used to be his and he never took care of it when I started
to learn something about cars I started to fix it and when
he saw that he got mad and said I did it wrong but you know
its funny when he works on it it doesnt work at all but
when I do something it always works, like the power
steering pump went out on it (I drove it almost a year with
it not working right while my bro got a paint job) and I
was finaly able to get a used pump and my mom or dad
wouldnt buy it they said it was a waste of money and my car
didnt even need it fixed (the whole steering was about to
go out and they say I didnt need anything to fix it) so I
asked them if they would just get the whole block rebuilt
they said no and said it didnt need it but got my bro 4 $50
seat covers and a new $200 radio and all I needed was $250,
I asked my grandmom for some money and got the pump and
when my dad saw it he wanted to put it on I told him no but
he came out there anyway and fucked it all to hell he tried
to put the damn thing on backwords saying it was right
finaly he got his dumbass from under it and went inside I
got it on and right in under 10 min but he said that I had
one of the bolts to tight and it had to be loser it doesnt
matter that I used a torch wrench and put it to the right
specs that the dealership told me to so I had to lossen it
and then drive his lazy ass around the steering was so
fucking loose that I almost wrecked into another car trying
to turn and the damn wheel was as far as it could go after
that I pulled on to the side of the road and fixed it and
did some fast tinkering with the pump to get more to the
wheel it was a bitch to turn, I was suppost to have it
jacked up when I did it but I was so pissed I didnt its
still loose cuz he took the damn jack back to Charlotte but
its not as bad, my bro doesnt like his $400 paint job and
is going back in to get it over I was like damn my car is
rusting cuz it has NO PAINT on it can I get a little cheap
$50 paint gun and paint my car myself? or get someone to do
it like justins car? hell no on both acounts so here I am
waxing my car for all I am worth trying to make what little
paint I have stay on there while he goes in for his second
paint job cuz he didnt like the color of the first o yeah
and get this I was told that I had to get his car running
and if I didnt they would take away my gas money I was like
uck that they dont even give me gas money but I was nice I
went out and got one of those books that tells you how to
fix a car for justin and gave it to him he found out it
flies good and let his dog eat the damn thing and told me
to fix this car, I said no and got in my car and drove off
I knew what was going to happen when I got home so I got 6
sets of keys for my jeep made and hid them in differnet
places in it so I could still use my car I was right they
took my keys and told me I couldnt get it back till I got
my bros car running, I know what it needs it needs a new
starter and relay but I am not telling them that it would
take me 20 min to fix this car and then its dont but fuck
them I dont care if I had someplace to go I would be out of
this hell hole anyway Megan said that I could stay with her
in NC which is 7 hours away from here I am thinking about
going soon maybe this weekend, her sister is all for it and
so are we but her sister wants me to bring my bro so HELL
NO I told her and she said ok so thats taken care of. o
damn it only took me 20 min to write all that lol o well I
am tired ttyl