AngeL w/o WinGs

sleepless nights...scared of the new dawn

i am too wound up to go to sleep, and too scared of waking
up tomorrow to find out that everything Ricky told me will
start coming true.

why do parents have to be such dickheads sometimes?

i mean....they totally contradict what they say...by what
they do. all the time. and us as the kids can't do anything
about it. wel some kids do, but i dont and i live a lie and
grit my teeth and feel that lump in my throat. but some
kids dont have my patience, and they can't live a lie, and
when that happens....they get sent away to boot camp, just
like ricky will. ricky..........oh man why am i going to
miss him so much? is it because by the time he gets
back....he will not be ricky any longer? and he knows that.
he will be another person, and have an emptiness to him,
and his heart....his head full of emotions, his passion for
life, his quirkiness.....it will all be gone, dead with the
memory of the ricky i know now. i mean sure, he's got some
issues, but dont we all? we're teenagers trying to stay
alive in a world full of misconceptions and underlying
truths. wen ricky comes back, i won't be here for him, i
will be away at college, but it won't make a difference.
because....we will write eachother the first year away, and
slowly...gradually...the amount of letters will lessen,
until they have outright stopped. and i won't know ricky,
and he won't know me, and we will never meet again. this is
so sad, saying goodbye to someone like this, under these
circumstances. i wish i could make it all alright for him,
but it is like i cant do anything at all, but watch him
go....watch him die.

i hate his mother, why cant she just realize what a
wonderful and compassionate son she has...that he has
issues and sending him away will not solve anything. why
cant she realize that sometimes she is wrong, and not pin
everything on him. i will never forgive her if she sends
him away. i hate her i hate her i hate her