Why Me ?
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2002-03-19 15:50:55 (UTC)

damn you austin!

sam. i read her diary again, i know she told me to stop,
but i do it anyway. at first i was angry when i read it.
how she said that i was only half like her, and kyle was
completely like her. that really hurt, bad. but i guess i
just need to stop thinking about me? i want her back, but
when i read her diary and it says she is more comfortable
with kyle, cuz he is "big" that hurts, but at the same time
i wonder if kyle is right for her? i wish someone could
tell me the answer. i was gonna try and hang out with her
after school today, but not since she wants to go see kyle.
if i could just get a hold of her more often, maybe we
could see each other, or have a real talk. i miss her a lot
too, but she thinks i just dont want to talk to her. it is
kind of hard when you are at work all the time. i told her
that i had been keping track, and i knew it had been a
month, and i told her not to feel bad, but i was just
reminding her. i didnt mean she had to dump kyle, and go
out with me. i dont want her to be with me if she isnt
happy. if she is happy with kyle, let her be with kyle. i
love her more than anything, dont get me wrong. i want her
to be happy, that is all. if she isnt the happiest she
could be, when she is with me, i want her to be with
someone else so she can be happy. in my own heart, i have a
war also. the war is between the feelings that I NEED her
back. but the other side, the side that is winning, is the
feelings that SHE NEEDS to be hapy, no matter what the cost
is to me. the reason i want her back soooo bad, is because
if sshe gets hurt, no one else is to blame but me. so i
figure, i wont ever hurt her, i need to be with her so she
doesnt get hurt. but if she feels safer with kyle because
he is "big" let her be with kyle. and now i need to stop
before i get angry feelings towards kyle.


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