2002-03-19 03:06:55 (UTC)

First Entry/ Bisexuality..GirlsGirlsGirls

Ok. I cant have any access to diaryland.com where my old
diary which totally FUCKING suxs. its bullshit! and its
like my special diary too. O well. Guess Ill use the diary
here. I had it once but i deleted it cause it was so fuckin
gay..diaryland is betta. but ne waize..i need a diary
desperatley so fuck..i used dis place, alright?
Life..i dont know what life is anymore.
first of all make a short description of myself Im 14
turnin 15 ina few weeks and im bisexual. yeah..and im
fucking proud of it. lolz jk..not really but heck i have
to accept it so i goddamn well did. Well let see.. i had a
gf name Sab..but we broke up like last month. SUcks. I love
her.. i miss her..i want her. Yeah, im selfish. Im a
selfish as loser. why would she want me any wayz? im a
nerd. Hmm.. i gotten really sorta bad over the few months
starting from the beginnin of Freshman year. i was doin ok
for few weeks den I started to smoke, skip classes, cheat
on tests and started to slack off classes. i was really an
bumber and i jus moved to a new area and started a new
skool. I left my family bak dere..miss dem. live wit my
aunt and uncle and my couz Nat. long story why we moved.
lets make it short.
Nat and Becca. Forbidden Love. Caught. Destroyed. Torn
yep basically das wat happened. Hmm.. well i got a haircut
yesterday. sorta short..saw a few hot girls at skool..dey
are pretty gothic. heh..one of da girl looked at me and
smiled. i smiled bak. shes cute. well ne waize. Larkin is
dis girl that i dont like but she sorta ask me out but i
dont want to be anythin but friends wit her. Dont like
her..for some reason she creeps me out. Katie is dis girl
that i made friend wit at dis new skool. I like her alot in
a ways. shes really energetic and tall also cute. heh had
severals dream about her. ;-P but not in that kind of
way..jus like commin out to her and stuff. thinkin about
tellin her, i really dont think she would care. Damn i got
a test tomm.


well ne waize i didnt really wanted to wander off my topic
to sabi..but i have too. I love her. I jus goddamn fucking
love her. If I could..I would go all the way down to
Washington, ya knoe? Mostly few times a week i think of
her..i used to cry..yes im so pathetic but now i got
stronger. Im actually doin betta. Im starting to try to
forget about her. Nat told me i should if i want to move on
so i did. I started to look and think of other girls or
guys watever. To tell u da truth i dont think sabi even
ever had really cared for me. I know she did..but i dont
know...sometimes i feel like she never really loved me. I
mean...im a loser..damn do i diss myself alot or wat. but i
am seriously...heck watever. bet she forgot about me
newaize.. i dont care. she can go find someone else and
have a happy life wit dem and not me. i think i like being
alone sometimes..i dont know..but when im alone..i feel
like i can do anythin...any dare there is. I can
cut,steal,and these other shit not worrying about wat or
who will think of me what im doin is wrong. ok its gettin
late. so im gonna exit out. peace out.