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2002-03-18 21:38:51 (UTC)

I leave it in HIS hands..........

Last nite, I just knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep for
anything. I've come to a speed bump in life. When asked the
question, "Do you want me to be in your life?" by someone
like your father.....what do you say in return. Of course
you would want to say yes. BUT what if your heart wasn't in
it. What if you said yes because you felt like that was the
thing to say. See, all of this is going through my mind.
Last nite, I prayed and told the LORD that all I could do
is leave it in his hands. I can't worry myself to death. I
know the LORD will take care of all things. I swear that
after I did that, I couldn't think about it anymore. My
mind went to thinking about silly things that made me feel
better. When I tried to think about what I was going to
tell my daddy, my mind wouldn't let me.....or should I say
the LORD wouldn't let me. I feel like that is a testimony.
all things in HIS hands now. I slept last nite because I
let the LORD deal with the problems. There was no sense in
me worrying about it last nite. Today, I thought about it.
To this moment, I really don't know what I'm going to say
to my father, but I know in some kind of way...it will be
handled and it will work out for the best of me. I got some
responses from people and I just want to say thank you. I
found inspiration in your words too. This year I told
myself that I wasn't going to let anything affect my heart.
NOTHING! I want to say that this really doesn't, but
thinking about it in a "in the future" kind of way....in
the long run it will. I feel like I'm wrong to think of
this situation as any other I may have with someone my age.
I feel bad that I would rather opt to have a relationship
with someone who shouldn't be so significant to me as my
father. I definitely feel wrong for that. BUT that's how I
feel. Although I leave it in the LORD's hands, I feel like
no one should be allowed to want to make things right only
when they are going through something. I may be a hypocrite
when I say that because I think I've done it in the past.
I'm able to admit that though. I don't think it's right for
my father to only want this relationship with me now
because I'm about to go to school up there....and only
because he's trying to change his life for the better. I'm
your daughter....appreciate me through all things...good or
bad. I have this tendency to boot people out of my life.
This may end up that way. I feel like I'm being really cold-
hearted when I think like that, but I don't want to make
exceptions for anyone.....even though I know I do for
certain person(s). I wish I could sum all of this up and
say it, but it's hard. I can only wait and let it happen as
it happens. Ya know? It's funny how you avoid situations at
school, with friends, males.....but something so life-
changing comes along and you can't avoid it for anything.
It's funny like that!


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