Corruption in all its beautiful forms..
2002-03-18 19:21:39 (UTC)

wow, not going to school

ok, its 2:16pm, monday afternoon, i just woke up. I have
school today, but i think im expelled from Holmes, my mom
tried to call, i dont know, its kinda weird, im at my
boyfriends living here with him and his mom, sleeping all
day then the computer waiting for him to get home from his
normal day at school. I warned him im trouble, i mess
everyone's life's up not meaning to, i think im the most
excitement he's ever had, my life, i should write like a
book or some shit. Last night i smoked this really good
weed, it had orange and red hairs i think it was laced
though, i felt different than usual, josh was tweakin real
bad, shakin lookin at his hands. crazy. I feel like shit
cuz i slept too long. All the different guys ive been with,
they were all really different the ways i loved them. Tom
was infatuation, something i couldnt have, it was
complicated and painful and thats why i loved him. Dan our
love was dependent on each other, we both are fucked up in
the head, suicidal, we could actually hold intellectually
stimulating conversation, which is a rarity i guess between
a male and female teenager, i enjoyed talking to him, i
miss the love i had with him, he understood i felt whole,
with josh, he'll love me no matter what, he's always trying
to make me feel better, he just doesnt understand, in a way
im glad he doesnt understand though, cuz that would mean he
had some major problems too. He's like a child and i feel
bad, i feel like the corruption i withhold is slowly
seeping into him....i just wish i didnt have to fuck
EVERYTHING up, wish i was someone else.

Mood:slept too long, thoughtful

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