2002-03-18 04:45:06 (UTC)


I've never mentioned my father in this thang....I don't
think. I guess that's because I don't see where he comes in
these days. Not to say that he didn't play a part in my
earlier life because he did, but now......I don't
know....he's just not here. I'm not talking off top of my
head right now or anything. I just got dealt a life
decision card. You know....one of those darn cards that you
get dealt that gives you two paths to take, but you can
only take one. That nasty little card. Well....here I am. I
was asked the question, "Do you want me to be a part of
your life?" Guess what???? I couldn't answer. I honestly
didn't know what to say. It wasn't that I couldn't get the
words out....it was the fact that I don't know what I want.
I really don't know. How can you throw something like that
at someone? It's my father....what can I say? How do I
feel? I don't think about it too much. It doesn't go
through my mind how I feel about the situation. I don't
feel that I lack because he's not in my life. I don't feel
that I was deprived of anything.....material wise. I know
I've suffered emotionally, but I'm overcoming all that.
What do I do? I feel like I acted as a child when I
couldn't say anything at all. I want to be this woman who
can speak freely and openly. I couldn't do this tonite. I
honestly didn't expect this to come along right now. WHAT