Cath

my so called life
2002-03-17 23:07:42 (UTC)

You can't get any cuter.. If you do, I'll go crazyyy

I don't feel like finishing the entry I started the other
day. Going nowhere fast.. well, Tom and John are still in
my life. They're still acting the same way. But I've
changed. I don't react as I used to. They can still upset
me, but still.. I don't think about Tom all day. I do not
wish to run into him everywhere. I'm somewhat sad because I
spend a lot of time and effort on Tom. And you know, now I
know that if I had just told him how I felt.. If I had only
ventured to open my heart.. I don't know, but.. The main
reason why I was afraid, was that he had (and still has) a
girlfriend. Now I have been told that he was seriously
concidering breaking up with her because of me. 'You don't
know what a mess you created.. you mess with my brain and
leave me all confused.. If I run into you, if I take one
look at you, that's all I can think of the rest of the day.'
Well, that's a pretty crazy thing to be told.
So I'm sad that he's been in love with me all the time and
none of us had the guts to tell the other.. but it's too
late now.. My feelings for him av cooled off.. I am now in
love with someone else. Let's talk about him instead! :)

I had a GREAT weekend..!! :)
Friday after school (School was great by the way, got a 5
on my chemistry test and got to see Ben a lot) I was going
to the city to buy a birthdaypresent for Tiff. She was
having a birthday party Friday night. Ben said we could buy
one together, since he was invited too. That was pretty
cool. It takes about 20 minutes by bus from school to his
place. He got off the schoolbus in the city with me, which
meant that he would have to take a regular bus home. That
takes more time and he has to buy a ticket. I know, it's
not a big deal.. but it's the little things that make me
happy :)
We just walked around for two hours :) Hurray :)
My dad gave some money because I am such a good little
student ;) and I was going to buy some clothes. I didn't
want to do it when Ben was there, so I put his protesting
ass on the next bus and went alone. I didn't find anything
on my own either, but anyway ;)
Later we went to Tiff's party. It was nice :) I was sitting
next to Ben ;) I could write a lot, but I'll just tell you
this: He asked if I bought any clothes and I said I didn't.
He asked if I didn't even try anything on, and I told him I
tried on a white top, but it was too large and they didn't
have smaller ones. He said that I should start lifting
weights and I was like sure, I'll become a real
bodybuilder. He laughed and said 'maybe not.. just stay
just the way you are.'
That was totally sweet!! :)))
Later we went to this pub where some guy we know and his
group were playing (I think I wrote about that). They are
really great.. and he's soo cute.. but not as cute as Ben ;)
When the concert was over, we decided to go to our regular
club. As we were leaving, Ben asked where we were going. I
told him and asked if he wanted to come. He did :) When we
got to the club, I sat down and talked with my friends and
stuff. After a while Ben came to our table. There weren't
enough chairs, so he asked if I would sit on his lap. 'I
think it will be a little heavy if I'm gonna sit on yours'.
:)
So I spent the rest of the night on his lap.. :)
*happy sigh*
When I got home, he had sent me a message on my cell. It
didn't say anything special, but it made me happy. It meant
that he got home and thought of me! :)

Yesterday I wasn't feeling too well (damn alcohol) and just
laid on the couch. I watched MTV for like three hours. I
saw this program about Pink. I've always (as long as I've
know who she is, which isn't very long)thought that she's
kind of cool, but now I realize that there's maybe more to
her. Rock on ;)

At 7 pm I got a message from Ben : Guten Tag. Was machen
Sie heute?
Yeah, German.. We used to learn German in school. Thank god
we don't anymore :)
If anyone read this and doesn't speak German.. it means
Hey, what are you doing today? Or something :)
Well, to make a long story short :
I think he gave me little hints that he wanted to be with
me, but he didn't ask. So I just asked him. Just like
that.. As Lucy said.. YOU GO GIRL!!! :)
Well, it seemed he wanted to..
So we watched Memento (Just the two of us:)) and talked.
When I was leaving, he walked me to the bus.
That meant a lot to me!!
I'm going to tell you why, but right now I HAVE to get some
sleep.
Take care and I hope you are as happy and as in LOVEEE as I
am!! ;))

-Totally happy Cath -




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