Autumn Always
2002-03-17 15:47:34 (UTC)

Happy Saint Patricks Day!!!

I've been so busy lately. It's been hard and wonderfull at
the same time. Work is very strenuious and I work 10/11
hour days. I'm doing really well, and getting used to it
bit by bit, but my energy level is still low and so when I
come home I don't have much energy and I haven't had time
to talk to people or come online, or do little things. I
know that will change. But I miss talking to Nathaniel so
much. I've got to find him today. I check his diary but
it's not the same. And Carried came home from college this
week for her Spring Break. But she got sick and we couldn't
do too much. I'm not overly disapointed. I mean I'm glad I
got to see her but she had all these plans about going out
and whatnot. She's sweet, but young and filled with great
expectations. She expects alot from a person, and thats ok,
she just needs to realize that life isn't all that simple.
When I get up at 6:30 and work and don't come home till
6:30 by the end of the night I don't exactly feel like
getting dressed and going out to the mall or what have you.
I love her to death but in her mind it's like I don't want
to hang out or something. She's just young. I'm on my feet
24/7 a day. Walking back and forth, cleaning, hauling
animals, it's a very physical job. So I'm sorry we didn't
get to hang out more, but a little relieved I didn't have
to find someway to just relax. Lynn also stopped by with
her "friend" Ricco. She had been casually seeing him for 9
months or so. He left this one girl for her. Then left her
for the girl. Then left the girl and went back to her. And
they fooled around for 9 months. She liked him so much she
was ok with them just being friends. I know she had
feelings for him despite the fact that she'll deny this up
the wazzu, but she dealt with it by just accepting what she
did have. Then about a month ago guess what. Thats right he
tells her he's still in love with the other girl. It's
ridiculous and I get angry that this guy thinks he can just
manuver her that way. And it's partly her fault as well but
he's older and should know better. He was very nice when he
came over and I liked him on a social level, but the other
half of me wanted to kick him and say look you prick, you
gave up THIS, for that other trashy girl, you don't deserve
to be in her presence. Sigh. She'll have to learn on her
own. But it was good to see her. It had been a good 3
weeks. If I could just balance out my schedual a bit and up
my energy level things would be great. Things are going
really well with Patrick. I'm greatfull for that. I do love
him, and I feel... happy. We're going to go out later today
and take some pictures in a few old abandoned houses in the
area. I also started Zoloft last wednesday. Almost a week.
So far its been much better then the paxil side effect
wise. By this time on paxil I was sick tired in pain
anxious, stressed, panicky and edgy. God it was awefull. So
far I only have mild stomach cramps now and then and at the
end of the day I get really tired. I can deal with that. So
we'll see how it helps mentally. I've got my fingeres
crossed. Work was neat, the other day I was invited into my
first surgery. I got to watch as they spaded a dog. And I
got to help with the stitching. It was so fascinating.
Everything goes in levels there wich is neat. The longer
your there the more they teach you. So far I've got the
kennels, the cat room, the wash room, the drying room,
walks, treatment area, little things. I felt proud they
allowed me to come in so soon. Thats a good sign:) I still
have to learn feeding and *shudder* the creamator, but it
makes me happy because they move you up when they see yo
working hard. That's why I love this job. There's one girl
there though who I despise. Rachel.Shes a miserable human
being. She complains about everything under the sun and
avoids working at all costs. And she's the gossip queen
along with her copart Paul. She's catty and sneaky and self
centered. I can't stand her. When things get slow she and
Paul will go hide somewhere so no one tells them to do
anything. I'm busting my ass the other day getting little
stuff done so we can leave ontime and for 30 mintues there
filling up rubber gloves like water ballons and throwing
them outside. It was infuriating. We've already had it out
once. She said somethings I didn't appriciate, not directly
to me but I was in the room. And my coworker noticed. We
both got called into the Doctors office. I was sitting
there thinking, great I haven't been here a week this is
awefull. But the first words out of the Doctors mouth were
" So Rachel what is it this time?" I was so relieved. She
asked me there to make sure Rachel didn't lie about
anything because she knew I was in the room. And then
proceeded to ask Rachel why she and her little "clique"
couldn't stop themselves from making comments like that all
the time. It wasn't the first time she was in there. And
then asked her if she was that unhappy why was she there?
That they weren't holding the door closed. I felt justified
for once. Someone else saw that it WASNT me. Later the
Doctor apologized to me for Rachels behaviour. So did the
two coworkers that hired me. And told me she really needed
to be dismissed and not to worry about it. I'm glad that
things seem to be civil for now, but I know she'll make it
hard for me any chance she gets and that pisses me off.
What did I ever do to her? I suppose there's ALWAYS one of
those in life. I'm just hoping I have the strength not to
strangle her and keep my cool. The other day we were
walking dogs. Well i was walking dogs. And then Rachel and
another girl Harriet came out and started walking as well.
We got done all the kennels except room one. And Jessie who
was getting food ready was overloaded. Since the two of
them were walking and Jessie asked me for help I stopped
and helped her deliver food. And then after about 5 minutes
Tracy came to me and told me I should finish walks because
Rachel said that they had come out to help me do walks and
that if she had just up and lefted she's get yelled at and
to be fair I should finish. She looked annoyed when she
said it. She knew what Rachel was doing too. We both rolled
our eyes and I went out to help and Tracy had to stop what
she was doing to help Jessie finish. Even though Tracy
understood it made me feel absolutly livid. How petty
Rachel is. What do you mean you came out to "help" me.
You've been doing nothing all day and rather then get
pinned with some other job you decided to do walks? Like oh
thank you so much for stopping your busy schedual to come
help me do walks. It just pissed me off that she made it
sound like she was doing ME a favor when she wasn't doing
anything at all. Thats the kind of person she is. She
couldn't handle ten more dogs to walk between the two of
them? Please. Thats what I mean by making it hard. I
realize she'll do anything she can to make herself look
good and I don't have time for that bullshit. Hopefully
I'll get lucky and she'll leave soon. Everyone knows how
she is so why is anyone putting up with her? I don't know.
It doesn't matter it just ticked me off alittle. She's
helping me in a way though. I suppose her lack of effort
only makes hard work look better. Good for me. My heart
went out to this dog we got in the other day. There's a
rescue woman that finds dogs and we keep them untill she
finds a foster home for them. It was a puppy that looks
exactly like my dog. But he's as big as my dog is now.
He'll be a big dog. We had to cut off his metal collar with
electric chain cuttters. Someone had put it on him at one
month old and abandoned him. He's 4 months now. He was
growing into it and slowly it was choking him. I was
infuriated. How could anyone???? He's so sweet. And he
latched on to me immidiatly. Every time I walkedinto the
room he would jump and bark untill I came into his cage and
then when I did he wouldnt leave me. He insisted at all
times on being on my lap. And when I gave him treats he
would grab them and run back and sit on my lap to eat them.
It's hard. I wanted to bring him home so baddly and take
care of him. There's just no way I could have. He's in a
foster home now and I know the rescue lady will find him a
good home, but I see a problem here. It's going to be hard
to not want to take them all. I'm going to have to make
alot of money and have a big yard one day so I can save
things as I please. Anyway, sorry about the length, I had
alot to say and get off my chest and this is the first
chance I've had to sit here and do just that. But things
are going well and I'm hopefull, and feeling pretty good
lately. Now I think I'm going to go hop in the shower and
get dressed. Maybe get something to eat and then hopefully
come online and play with my pictures and look for
Nathaniel. I have a few hours before I go take pictures. I
also need to put some clothes away. Off I go for now....