the Humble

Long Exile
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2002-03-16 19:18:41 (UTC)

A week ago, my life began anew...

A week ago, my life began anew. There wasn't really a
choice for it. I was doomed, and a decision had to be made.

As much as I like change and, on the most part, prefer it,
I despised my situation.

But now, the major portions are over with. I figured out a
way to deal with most of who were involved, and only wait
quietly and prepare myself for the consequences.

And I know there will be, good or bad.

I don't really like my life. Well, not really life, but
myself. I love Life. It's a great thing, and I enjoy
every moment I'm alive.

It's that I don't like myself. I am a Destroyer, pure and
simple. Competition among the fittest, and I've been too
successful. I look back on my life, and see myself taking
from the lives of others.

Not majorly, or most times, intentionally. But it's there
nonetheless. I can't seem to help it. Through small
everyday interactions with "friends," I somehow work little
bits of malice and greed. It's something that saddens me.
I'm too uncouth and blunt, I say/do things that I
shouldn't, and don't say/do things when I should. Even
though I've never done anything that people would point and
say "that's mean" or "that's wicked," it's there
nonetheless.

I've never been able to stay humble.

I lack subtlety in life.

And whenever I'm alone, those are my revelations.

So, here I sit, alone, at a computer when winter outside
has finally lightened and it's over sixty degrees out there.

It's not even my computer, it just belongs to the people
I'm staying with.

I also have work in two hours. I should be doing
homework. It's saturday, and I know I won't have time on
Sunday to do it all, considering I have work tomorrow too.
I'm a high school junior in advanced classes, and I'm
barely making par.

Story of my life.

These are what I contemplate when I am alone.


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