writings on the wall
2002-03-16 08:25:05 (UTC)


went to Salt with Ivan because it was Roland's
birthday. it was kinda boring at first because the R&B
room wasn't open yet when we arrived & you know how i hate
techno music right? but then it gets better...

i drank a few glasses & was high. was being touchy-
feely with Roland & dancing thisclose to him. he was
like "dammit! you are high" but i knew what i was doing. i
was testing for his reaction. i knew that he used to have
the hots for me when we were back in college but that was
like 1 year ago.

he said "if you are not my friend..." i knew what he
meant. he doesn't fuck his friends & suddenly, i felt
rejected. i knew that he meant it well & it was nice of
him not taking advantage of friends but i knew what i was
doing, really. sometimes, it's like when you are kinda
high, you know you shouldn't be doing whatever you are
doing but then it's like you have no control over what you
are doing anymore.