Str8 Girl, Interrupted

My Life is a Drama....
2002-03-16 00:00:55 (UTC)

"I'm a hazard to myself"

Alot of little things have been bothering me lately. Like
the fact that I have no job and the hopes of finding one is
slim-to-none. Josh really wants to move, but with me not
working...it's not an option. I feel really bad. I apply
and apply and nothing seems to come through for me. So,
that's gripe number 1. Second gripe...Curtis. [email protected]
for even mentioning him, but it's something that bothers
me. I miss him alot. I just want his friendship, if
nothing else. He really meant alot to me, but it seems as
though I meant NOTHING to him and that really hurts. Just
like me to get caught up in another loser who doesn't
really want anything to do with me. It's a viscious
cycle. :( Except this loser was different, he acted as if
he cared about me. Which makes the situtation....100 times
worse. I guess, that's all that's been bothering me.
Well...of course, there's Buck. I still think of him
often. His calls have stopped. I guess, that's what I
wanted...I mean, I never answered when he did call, but it
was always comforting to know he was thinking of me. He
was no good anyways, but I still think of him.

My step-sister is in the hospital. She's in the psych-
ward. I'm worried about her. I was in her shoes when I
was her age. It's scarey to feel alone and that's what I
felt. You tend to take everything personal at that age and
when you're going through a depression. It's like you
haven't learned to let little things just roll off of you.
Sometimes, you never do learn that little thing in life.
I'm still working on it, although I've gotten a lot better
at it. I just hope she'll be okay and turn this experience
into something positive...otherwise it'll weigh her down
for the rest of her life. It's no fun. Life
sucks....that's the major point you have to learn in order
to be happy, I think. Sounds ridiculous, I know, but it's
the truth.

On to happier things...My cousin Brandy (Penny's daughter)
was at karaoke last weekend and she came up to me and told
me that she was glad I helped her mom out. She thanked
me. I told I like doing it and I'm glad that we're
close...She said Penny was glad as well. It meant alot to
me. I love Penny so much and I'm just thankful I've gotten
a chance to get to know her, cuz I never got to know
Michael. I feel bad for that, but I'm sure Michael
would've been glad that I'm helping Penny and beign there
for her. :) That makes me smile.

Well..enough updating...gotta go. :) bye all