Cosmic Rain
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2002-03-15 09:25:20 (UTC)

..::Hidden Track In View::..

"...And I'm pulled into your entrancing sun and it's
scolding bright..But I'm going to have to burn up before I
can come back into the light..And it's going to be
hell..I'm going to bleed firey tears...And I admit I'm
scared..Scared of what I'll be when the smoke clears...."

I'm eating a fruitbar. Well correction. I'm trying to eat a
fruit bar. Here's a woman forced to eat lightly and
cautiously cause of nasty bugs and the moment she steps out
a little more bravely she is stopped. It's in a wrapper
that you don't take to the cinema or if you do, you open it
before the movie, cause I'm practically gonna have to put
my foot on it to open it. Ahh there we go. And in a few
chomps it will be gone, so one wonders if all the struggle
was worth it. Ah well..

Things are odd at the moment. But then I think they always
have been odd. Just different sorts of odd at different
times. And maybe odd isn't a strong enough word for all
that is going on. I have an amazingly painful umbilical
cord of time and emotion I soon have to cut. And I don't
know what it all means yet. And what will come of it. And
exactly where my feelings lay and heck at this point am I
meant to have a precise calculation of each emotion
pertaining to love and hate and everything else?? NO!! I'm
just more worried about the unknown. I'm more worried about
that umbilical cord of emotion that has been built up from
nothing to a pretty bloody big something. I'm scared
shitless of everything. And honestly I'm scared of losing a
lot of what I had, because I've had it for a long time. And
even though it's far from perfect and as days progress it
favours towards a huge messy lie, it's still mine and I
still had it and it wasn't all bloody imperfect. And I
still have to deal with it and tread carefully because the
umbilical cord is still attached.

And thrown into the mix is someone. Someone very special in
her own right. Someone who manages to keep suprising me and
who I think will continue to. It certainly wasn't something
I was expecting and it crept upon me pretty slowly, like a
smile after a joke you finally got a week later after being
told. But for now it's just special and is nothing
definate, because we're in something messy together. But
she's been a most wonderful thing in this messy and I hope
she continues to be.

"...I may not always be cautious and I slip into
your world, your every night..But I think we like the place
we have made, it shows...because there's comfort in there
for only us to know...And if the end, if it's only as a
friend...It's a place I always want to go...."