daydream disbeliever

Mad Ramblings From a Blithering Idiot
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2002-03-15 04:13:58 (UTC)

Another Punch in the Gut

My mother and I were figuring out my tax return today
when we discovered something-some halfwit in the Wal-Mart
accounting office hasn't been figuring my federal taxes
correctly for the past year and I now owe the IRS more than
five hundred dollars. Goodbye stakeholder's check. I got
that today and put it in the bank. It was $486. I was so
happy-my account is back to where it was before the
accident. However, that money doesn't belong to me. Like
I've always said, one can only be so happy before life
makes one realize that it is just misery. Oh, hell, I'll
just copy and paste my theory on life from my bolt
profile. It'll give me something to do. Without further
ado, here is my basic thoughts on life itself:

One is entitled to only so much happiness. Once one
has reached one's limit, the world must remind them that
life does in fact reek of misery and so an equally
devastating occurrence must happen to the aforementioned
person. The happy periods tend to become shorter and
shorter as life goes on. But each person has their own
personal level of happiness which they can achieve. Once
they are sublimely content, the thing(s) which put them in
that state must be destroyed or taken away. Like Newton
said, "For every action there is an equal and opposite
reaction." That's not only true for physics but for
emotions as well.

There ya have it, folks. I can't help it that I'm
such a pessimist. The happenings in my life and
occurrences in the lives of others in my acquaintance has
led me to believe in this wholeheartedly.

I think about suicide daily. How I'd do it, the
contents of a note if I chose to leave one, (today's
subject-"I'm a waste of space"), how people wouldn't react,
whatnot. I know it's morbid, but the thoughts creep into
my consciousness regardless. I don't know what I want to
do. Because at the moment, I am a waste of space. I
contribute nothing. I am nothing. Nothing to no one. Why?

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