freakgoddess

low place like home
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2001-05-13 11:15:21 (UTC)

without you i'm nothing

or maybe i'm just nothing. period. the stupid fuck, but
he's not. he doesn't try to hurt me, he doesn't realise how
much i ache for him. and if he did he'd freak out.

i don't want to overdramatize. i'd rather die than ask for
sympathy. all the stupid attention seekers should get a
fucking grip. even lex, she can be so great. but she then
has this annoying penchant for melodrama. it pisses the
hell out of me. she has a 'look at me' complex, and for
some reason tina encourages it. tina has (had?) a genuine
problem, but even she loves the drama of it. and now lex is
creating one for herself. the last thing she should expect
from me is sympathy. at most, i'll give her a brutally
honest wake-up call.

i crave stability. maybe when i'm pretty i'll be confident.
then i can get over this pain. this dulling thud inside me.
the dark fucking mist that seeps so steadily into my head.
all i need is a connection. and i need it soon. before my
resolve crumbles and i give in to jimmy. i pray there's no
more parties for a long time. i can resist everything
except temptation.


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