Queen Bee

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2002-03-14 23:54:05 (UTC)

still waiting.

it really hasnt hit me yet. i've actually been pretty
happy except for the little aprt inside me that always
feels like crap. its the part that says, man why do you
even bother, your life sux. god things are just to fucked
up and i dunno if i can take it anymore. i've been trying
to get a hold of mel but i cant,she prob isnt home yet. but
i need to do something fun to get my mind off the sadness.
of course nothing helps cuz i have all these cuts on my
wrists that reminds me of the crap life i have and its jsut
the feeling i have. no matter how happy i look or feel or
act,imneer completely happy and it sux i just want to be
happy, bur the only way ill be happy is if i accept myself
and my life and realize its not as bad as i make it out to
be. and if soemthing in my life would actually go right,
like maybe the disease go away, maybe ill wuit cutting,
maybe my love life will actually become something besides
me maybe ill just be happy and accept myself the way i am.
i'm actually getting better aboutmy body but not all the
way yet and its gonna take time to be comfortable with my
body and it'll take work fo rme to be actually happy but im
so totally gonna work on it cuz i just want so much to be
happy, but for some reason i cant,but hopefully, soon.

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