lilliana

lilliana
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2002-03-14 22:22:54 (UTC)

I HATE GOD AND DON'T CARE!!!

I hate God. I fuckin hate god. I couldn't find enough
describable words to say how much I hate this...this fake
THING!!! It's all fake all lies. I sit in mass and
literally grit my teeth at allllllll the bullshit. I hate
it. Everyone's so motherfuckin fake!! The priest is fake,
the worshippers....I despise them all. I know what the
meaning of life is. I know the meaning and it's certainly
not about some guy in dingy ropes walkin around performin
miracles that's life. Life is death. Life is hell. I dunno
what I did in my past life, but boy Im paying for it in a
shitload on earth. I hate it here. I hate it. I could sit
in my room and cry over all the things that's wrong with
this fucked up place. Hunger, and madness...cruelty...and
you mean to tell me Im gonna hold hands on sunday and
praise GOD???? Fuck no!! Hell fuck no...screw god! God is
dead and he's cursed me on his way down. I don't believe in
religion. It's poison. Everything has been sucked out of
me. Im like a flavorless noodle. I feel numb now, even when
I walk the halls in school. It's like all the noise equals
snow. All the smiles are fake. It's like a nightmare/movie.
I cry a lot more now. Like, this afternoon, I went to the
chapel and literally cussed at the Jesus statue on the
wall. I told him how much I despised him and said I look
forward to seeing him on judgement day. I said that it
would be nice to vent my frustration face to face instead
rambling to some porcelain image. I want to INFORM him that
his father is a screwd up bastard that had too many human
qualities and should burn in hell like the rest of us
sinners. I'll say that his ass hole father is judging us
for mistakes but he's made far more. RRRGGGHHH!!! I just
can't take this pain. I want to die. I want to die and
never see anything again. There isn't a thing worth living
for. I love my mom, and Dimi and dad but I don't love the
earth. Oh, I can just see it now...the
beautiful taffeta wrapping with the pretty white bow on
top...my expression when I open the box to find a huge
shiny shotgun . I'll look up and have a gigantic smile and
my face gasping, "Thanks mom!" I'll grip the trigger and
let my tongue touch the cold metal...then


I die


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