Nellie

fucked up

i am getting an apartment with my boyfirned. its really
wierd because he will be suporting me for a little bit. i
feel kind of wierd about it. but when i do and i talk to
him he puts my mind at ease. i told him that i dont have a
job so i wouldn't be able to pay the first months ren.t he
laughed and asked if that was all i was trying to say. i
said what if i couldn't pay seconds months rent either? he
said that he figured he would have just as much mony the
second month as he does the first month. :) then i asked
what if i never paid any of the bills, just joking of
course. and he said "well then it will be my
apartment". :) isn't he wonderfull? he knows that i feel
bad about it. he just does wonderfull little things like
that. he said it would be his apartment i would just be
living in it with him. :):):):):):):):):):):) he is so
wonderfull. i miss talking to eric. i don't know what
exactly to say. oh the other night i fliped out and
started writing on a pice of papaer. I will type it in
here some other time. I wonder if Phaze would let me by the
rollerblades from him. rose said that i should just do
nothing becasue if he wanted to give them to me he would.
but if i asked to buy them when he had given them to me
then it would offend him. i can understand that. i would
be offended if he asked if i wanted him to pay for
somehting that i gave to him as a present. which reminds
me i still need to sow up the bear. but how is he suposed
to know that i still want the skates if he doesn't talk to
me and i f i don't ask him. thats why i wanted to ask if i
could buy them. because then he knows that im still
intrested in them and then he wont feel like he whas to
just give them to me. i told Turtle that matt and i were
moving into the apartment this weekend and she said "do you
have a job do you have a licence?" that really fucking
pissed me off. why the fuck can't she just be a fucking
friedna dn be hapy for me. I suport her no matter what. at
least i used to. no im getting a little sick of this shit.
i still love her to death so im talking to her and trying
to explain my feelings, but she still wont fucking suport
me. I don't care if she doesn't like what im doing, or if
she thinks its the wrong decision. she should just let me
know and then let me make up my own mind. she has told me
how she feels. i know she doesn't aprove, and obviously i
don't care because i still am doing it. so i would think
she would realize that im not going to listen to her so she
should just shut up. If she can't get over the fact that
im moving in with him then fine. just keep it to
yourself. i know you don't like it. you have made that
verry clear, but now i don't want to even talk to you about
how i think its a good thing because you cant just acept
that im doing it. If you did something i didn't agree to i
would tell you, but i would still fucking suport your
decisioun. thats what friends do. They give you their
opinion, suport whatever decisioun you make, and they are
there for you no matter what. I guess rose and matt both
just don't understand that i still want thier opinion, even
if i know what im going to do. Just because i ask your
opinion it doesn't mean that im going to fucking listne to
it. it doesn't matter. You should still love me. i feel
that rose doesn't understand that part. I don't feel like
i can talk to her about my feelings about it at all becasue
it seems like every time i try to talk to her she feels the
need to tall me what a big mistake im making. i don't feel
like hearing that. im sick of it. im sick of typing. im
gonna finish half ass packing. later