The Inside of My HEAD
2002-03-14 20:21:58 (UTC)

Hating the world with a smile...

I'm not very good at expressing my feelings. When i get
angry i just forget about the situation. I like to keep
things to myself. But lately I've started to be constantly
angry with everything in my life. I feel like i'm drowning
and no one is willing to get wet. But instead of telling
anyone i just keep it all inside. Because when you let your
guard down, you get hurt. And I've been hurt too many times
now. I just would rather not let anyone in anymore...

When I have days like today though, I always get a little
sign from God. I get something. Today it was a rather
interesting perspective from Matt Songer. I walked into the
library 4th period and there he is sitting reading a book
of baby names. For like no reason. Just because no one else
would think to do that. When I see Matt Songer and he just
does whatever and is happy, it makes me want to be happy.
It makes me want to live my life for me. It makes me want
to stop being so damn angry and live. I want to get out of
Lawrenceville GA... I want to travel... I want to write...
I want to be happy... for once. I think Songer is God's way
of showing me that it can be done. Now I have to figure out
where to begin.