Queen Bee

cutting!

Hello all. How is everyone out there? Im not doin very
good. I recently have been told thyat i need to get thelp
for the immense amount of cutting i do. and i realized that
these people are right that i do need help and so i have
decided that i am going to get help. me and my ex are doin
good. we hang out every now and then but i have come to
realize that i am the one always calling and talking to him
and it really kind of pisses me off, if he doent want to
talk to me all he has to do is say that. but im sick of
doing everything cuz he has to realize if me and him are
going to work than he has to work at he relationship too.
that is if he wants a relatiomship. see i have come to
realize taht i want more than just any old realtionshop
like i have had before, i want what Raven and her boy
have. a real commitment to each other. and i want it with
my ex but whether or not we have that is mostly up to him
cuz i want it but i need to know thats what he wants. and
when or i Dustin comes back i need to know that he wont be
influenced by his friends (cuz he does that sometimes) cuz
if he does then it just isnt gonna work. But yesterday i
went and saw Raven sing. she like always sounded like an
angel. and she looked beautiful up stage, kinda like she
owned it. you can tell just by looking at her and her atage
presence shes gona make it in that world, full of rock
stars with drug and alcohol problems and i couldnt be more
proud of her. i realized the last couple of days that
everyone has their own defintion of what love is, but it
all boils down to the same thing. trust, uderstanding and
aceptance.Now some people think that you have to love
yourself in order to love, i dont think so, cuz sometimes i
can love myslef but sometimes i hate myslef. cuz i hae
gotten it into my head that i need to lose weight again
(although i know i dont) but i think love is thining about
that person constantly and understanding that person and
not trying ot change them or their pesonality, its being in
love with everything about them, their good qualities and
their flaws. its just basically passion and just plain
knowing that you would die for this person, and ex if your
reading that is how i feel about you. you mean more to me
than i do to myslef and i love you more than i love myelf
and that is exactly how i feel about you (sorry if i scared
you) but its how i feel. i must go now but i love you all.
good bye

:::looks at everyone, blows them a kiss and vanishes:::