The Daily Babble
2002-03-13 17:52:22 (UTC)

Friends are too much work!

So I finally heard from Jill...I went to work on Monday and saw a
huge envelope on my chair and saw her return address. I had total
mixed emotions...I was glad to finally be getting a response from her
but at the same time, I didn't think it was going to be good stuff.
And I was right. She started out by filling me in on the past year
or so--some of the things I knew and other things I didn't....and then
spent about 10 pages basically bashing me and my end of the
friendship. If I had known that some of the things from the past
were going to come back to slap me in the face, I would have never
asked for those things...For example, she mentioned the fact that I
borrowed her dresses...Well If she didn't want me to borrow them,
then why didn't she let me know when I asked you know? I could have
gone to someone else! I didn't think she'd mind and she said she
didn't!!! Why is she waiting so long to tell me these things. She
said that she felt taken for granted and all this other stuff, which
is another thing I don't understand. I mean, I know in the past
she's always been the one to drive around and stuff like that, but
again, she would volunteer and she never said it bothered her! Why
would she bring all this stuff up years later?

Then the total killer--She said I was self-absorbed! Me!!! Never in
my life have I thought of myself as self-absorbed. As far as I know,
I always put other people's happiness and concerns before
mine!...that comment really bothered me and now I'm making myself
crazy and asking people if they think the same thing...So far
everyone's saying no, but still, it sucks to think the person I
thought was my best friend thinks of me that way you know?!
Honestly, in my opinion I've always felt like I've put other people's
happiness before my own! I know I'm always worried about my friends
and family and that was one of the things that bothered Jeff...He
always said I never thought about my happiness or what I wanted, but
always about other people. How could everyone see me one way and
then Jill see me totally different? She said I never asked about her
life whenever we talked but that's total bull! I always asked about
what was going on with her and she would never have anything to say!
So me, not wanting to hang up the phone, I'd just keep talking about
whatever came to mind. And again, if that bothered her before, why
didn't she tell me this years ago instead of now? Its not like I can
change the past or anything.

I don't know...I don't know what to think at all...I don't think
she's looking at things from our point of view at all. I mean, I'm
glad she's happy and all, that's all I want...even if she doesn't
want to be friends anymore. At any rate, it doesn't look good. I
wrote her back and told her I'd like to get together after my break
and meet face to face instead of the dumb letters so we'll see what
she says. I'm sure it will be weird, but if we do stay friends, I
don't want to maintain it through letters. I felt like she was
talking so condescending the whole saying how its not
high school anymore and that people and relationships change. Like I
was the person who said that to her before!!! The whole letter was
like a slap in the face and its making me crazy. I don't want to
dwell on it and I certainly don't want to think about it in Hawaii!
Which was another thing she couldn't understand ...about me going to
Hawaii..first off, she couldn't be happy about it for me, but instead
she's like "oh you can't get out for me, but you can go to Hawaii?"
If she'd been around more, she'd see that I've been getting out a lot
more!!! Its so ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!!! Argh.

Well now that I've vented, I must get to night class...sorry to
whoever may be reading this....Take care all...