Why Me ?
2002-03-13 16:10:36 (UTC)

Uh Oh. . . .

i think sam i sreading my diary. she said in hers that she
knew that i wanted to tell her that if she didnt break up
with kyle that there was no chance with us. i do want to
say that SAM, but i cant because i know it would hurt her
too much. i know that i am kind of being an ass about this,
but wouldnt you be the same way. if the one person in the
world u truly loved(besides family of course)broke up with
u for another guy. i feel like dirt. i feel like whatever
is left over after everyone takes all the good stuff at
christmas dinner. you know what i mean? how everyone wants
the ham and the potatoes and the cranberries, but people
stay away frome the tuna salad casserole or the spinach
loaf or the pound cake. i am one of those. i love sam so
much, no matter how much she might feel that i dont. the
reason i almost killed us last night is because i was
really upset when i saw her with kyle. it really, REALLY
hurt bad to see her hanging on to another guy and flirting
and having fun with him. i believe she loves me, she has
proved it in so many ways, it still hurts to see her with
someone else, whether i know she loves me or not. if she
didnt love me, why would she still say it? I LOVE YOU is
not a phrase that people are supposed to just throw around.
and i know that sam knows that too. another thing, why does
she still hang out with me, if she doesnt love me, and talk
to me too? and why does her dad tell me to just give it
time? he told me he knows that she loves me, he just doesnt
know why she is doing this. so if her dad told me to just
give it time, she does love you, i will try my hardest to
do that. i will do whatever it takes to get sam back. and
sam, if you are reading this, ill try to call you more, but
you know how my mom gets on this whole "family needs to
spend more time together" thing. that is why i havent
called you as much, we have been talking a lot lately about
my grandmas new husband, and me going to stanford, and my
mom and her thing, so that is why i havent called you as
much lately. i still love you, probably more now than i
used to, just because now i see what i really lost when i
lost you. i am not throwing my life away, im just taking
another route to get to my life, taking the road less
traveled. ok?

With More Love Than Ever For Samantha McClinn
Austin J. Willmore

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