Peaches

Ode to a psycho!HA!
2002-03-12 23:17:30 (UTC)

RJ nick RJ nick RJ nick RJ .......waiting for september 25

I don't understand. can't forget him. it's been three years,
and I can't forget him. he moved and his phone number changed
and I haven't spoken to him in over a year. I REALLY liked
him, so much it hurt. it hurts. It hurt when he said he had a
girlfriend. It hurt when I asked him out. I don't ask people
out, and it hurt. It hurt, when he came up to me for the
first time and asked me if I was a modle. It hurt that I, ME,
that I was the envy of all the "popular" girls. It hurt when
he said he COULDN"T go out with me. and it hurt even more
when he said he liked me too.

And here I am three years later. he keeps comming in my
mind, and I can't make him leave. and I hate him. I hate that
he thought I was a model when I'm not even the least bit
pretty. I hate that we have the same birthday and every year
he calls me on that day. I hate that I still remember his
green eyes tan skin and perfect teeth behind a perfect smile
with such clarity. I hate that he goes to school across town
and I hate even more that I still have feelings for him.

I'M SO STUPID. GOD I'M SO FUCKING MORONIC. I WISH I WOULD
JUST GO AHEAD AND KILL MYSELF TO SAVE MYSELF FROM THE
STUPIDITY DRIPPING OFF OF MY BODY!!! HE'S NOT COMMING BACK,
HE NEVER GOING TO CALL AGAIN!!!!

and what am I left to do......wait until September 25 to see
if he calls, but after three years I have my doubts. why
would he even remember me, why would he even care?? One
thing is for sure though. If he does call I'm going to ask
him to go up to sheblys with me, or the beach, just for old
time sake. I can't believe I know that already and I'm
still 6 months 13 days 16 hours and 29 mins away from being
17.

I'm such a moron.

later


Oh yeah, when abs and I drove by nick R. today when he was
with a bunch of his friends he screamed " Don't touch
me!!!ever, never, ever again." it kinda hurt. you know??




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