Sleeping with the lights on
2002-03-12 17:50:12 (UTC)

What were you thinking a month ago?

I really want to talk to Jeff. I haven't stopped thinking
about him since we broke up. It's driving me crazy because
every time I try to tell him how I feel it's like I can't
say what I want to.I don't even know but I don't want to
talk about it.
I think the most fucked up thing in life is finding out who
your friends are. The people I thought would be my friends
forever are no longer my friends. The people that I thought
would never be my friend are some of my best. What does that
mean? I had a dream last night that every single person I
hold close to me like stabbed me in the back. They were all
like intentionally leaving me out and stuff, and I started
to think about that. I don't know where I am going to be in
10 years, but will the people I love still be there for me?
I am really scared that this era in my life is going to end
too fast, and I'm going to be alone again. I don't really
mind not having a boyfriend, but I can feel this emptiness
in me when I don't talk to Jeff. I don't know what to do
about it! I can't just be like, Jeff I want to be with you
and then..fuck things up again. AHHHH. I don't even want to
be in a relationship right now!