Corruption in all its beautiful forms..
2002-03-12 12:21:28 (UTC)

morning,always gets worse...

hey...its 7:06am. Im over at josh's i spent the night, he
is sleeping so is joyce his mom, im up so i can wake him
up, i dont need to get ready yet, so i thought id make an
entry. Yesterday im walking through the halls, ya know a
regular day, when my neighbor and friend of 9 years comes
up to me and tells me my house was on fire the night
before. I was told my mom was ok, but of course it came as
a shock.I got home to josh's and called my mom, she told me
her and her bf's room was completely burned down but the
rest of the house was untouched. She told me she was kicked
out of the house, which means i was also of course. So
we're pretty much homeless for the moment. She is staying
out at the country house with no heat, which is fine to
her, and im staying at josh's. So i guess we'll move, who
know's where. Im always moving, its only been 2 months and
im moving again. The only thing im losing is josh, but so sick of it. My mom's just lost her bf, and
residence and EVERYTHING she loves, so she's really
depressed, i feel sorry for her, so im trying to act like
this is no big deal and its not affecting me. Life just
sucks all around...i heard one of my best friends had to go
to the hospital for head injury-frank, i guess he's ok, but
when i heard about it i panicked, im sick of losing people,
i lose everyone i love, it tears me up and makes it really
hard to get close to anyone, im trying to still stay open,
but its not easy....its never easy.
On the lighter side, my bf came in my eye last night.
Funny huh?yeah well it hurt, so my advice to everyone NEVER
LET A GUY COME ON YOUR FACE. it was eye got
all red and puffy, he has the come of satan. You prolly
dont wanna know this if you actually read my diary, but too
bad, i like to tell you things you dont wanna know, it adds
character. Boy, and by now i have LOTS of character.
When i heard shit was burnt up, the first thing i thought
about was the picture i have of my grandma. Died in 96 of
Lou Gerighs disease, it was slow and painful for her, and
we all watched her die, one day she went to sleep and her
heart just stopped, i miss her terribly, i miss her
especially when im sick, i miss watching golden girls, the
olympics, rosie odonnell with her. I miss seeing her
beautiful face. I was the strong one, at 10 i was the
strong one. I envy that 10 year old, she was a different
person. I was motivated, and bright, and i still had hopes,
I was a good person. Now im a self loathing whiner, i hate
myself, my dad's turned me into him, i hate my dad for
that, more than for breaking a lamp over my head, or
beating me in the face, i hate him for poisoning my mind,
and killing my dreams.
Well, im gonna get ready now, its 22 after. More later.

Mood:depressed, tired, waiting
Song:112-Stay with me