Yellow Angel

Larmes d'un ange
2001-05-11 20:19:28 (UTC)

May 11, 2001

Well, it's Dylan's birthday today. He's such a cutie.

I'm getting so aggravated with Dawn! She keeps calling me,
but not even to like talk or hang out..she wants a ride
somewhere and it makes me soo mad because I can't say no.
Why? because I'm an idiot. It's so dumb. I should jsut
learn to say no. I need to take like assertiveness courses
or something. I don't know. I'm just aggravated and every
little thing is going to piss me off.

I just want there to be someone to hold me and tell me that
things are going to get better. But there is no one. I
use to have Brad...but we are hardly friends anymore, we
are becoming friends again but who knows how long that will
last. I just want my best friend back...That's not going
to happen though. Whatever though, I will deal with it. I
have to. I mean, I have Evan and I love that...but I feel like I'm
losing him too... I lost sooo many friends this year. I don't get
it. It's like oh you went to school, we can't be friends anymore.
Fuck that! I mean seriously, I was only an hour and a half away.
That's, I came home all the time...yet, they still
couldn't be friends with me. That is soo fucked up. And like Joe
and Tony are here too..Joe more than Tony...but it's still hard...

I need to find something to do...I can't just sit here
anymore. It's too depressing. I have an interview at Lane
Bryant monday at 4. Hopefully that will go well. However,
I kind of want to work at the Picture People too. I
applied at both and my sister told me that I will
definately get the job at Picture People. I'd like to work
at both but I can't because I don't get my schedule until
like the week before. So I don't know. I am going to see
about Lane Bryant and then I will talk to the Picture
People and be like when I get my schedule for the week
there, can I come here and give you my schedule for them
and then work around that so I can work here whenever I'm
not working there...I don't know if that will go over well,
but I can try. I don't know...

Isn't kinda sad when smiling makes you cry?