I'm a girl, not a band!!!
2002-03-12 04:47:09 (UTC)


Well, not alot of news. My parents are getting me a new bed.
That'll be cool. I don't know if I'll have enough space to
put it in my room. But I'm not living here forever, so
we'll see how it goes. Since the bed is coming out, I might
as well get paint and finally make it purple. I mean, why
not? We're taking the desk out too to make room. I just
hate painting. It's hot and smells and gets all over. It's
such a tiny space, and then the hunter green carpet...well,
lilac purple and hunter green, you do the math, but oh

I have been sooo unmotivated to do any work lately. There
are tons of things that I should be doing, but I
just....haven't. Bombed a math test today cause I didn't do
any of the homework. Not good. And I've thrown off my
sleeping schedule and that isn't good either. I don't like
it at all, but I function a lot better when I have a set
schedule. I wish that I worked better on a sporadic basis,
but I don't. I used to, but well, time and.....the rest....
changed that. Age too I suppose.

I miss Nikki. I did tape X-Files for you, and I'll send
them off in the morning. I have to go watch the video of my
speech tomorrow, and please please PLEASE find a job, so
that is my plan. It's so frustrating.

I need a shower. You know, it's much eaiser to read when I
separate my thoughts into different paragraphs. Doesn't
seem so random. Go figure.

I got invited to live in DC today. And for the first time,
I was really, truly tempted. Everything here is going very
well, really it is, but... I miss excitement. New things,
new people, new places. But it wouldn't be practical. I
have no job, I'm finally doing well (okay, at least
alright) in school, and trying to pay off some debts, and
that's what I should be doing. So, things will just have to
wait. Because if I quit school now, I'll never go back. I
just know it. Don't get me wrong, I do like school. I like
the discussions, and the thoughts and the debates and the
comraderie, but....it's been so long. I feel so old. 22
should NOT feel this old. But everyone is younger, smarter,
better looking, etc.

I really need a shower. Talked to Pete last night. Yup. I
don't know what to say to him anymore. I miss him so much,
but we're just....in different places I suppose. I will
never stop loving him. I can't. I knew I scared him off. I
can't help it, I was brought up to let my emotions out, to
talk them out, and cry and laugh and love and so on. He's
the complete opposite. I think I just...scared him. Damnit.
I seem to do that alot. It's back to thinking with my heart
and not with my head. Not good, not good at all.

I hope tomorrow brings me something good.