The Real Deal

2002-03-12 01:32:47 (UTC)

Weird Feeling...

It was weird...

I went out with a whole bunch of people and I found out for
sure that H and my ex are JUST FRIENDS for reals... but she
still had feelings for him and she was telling me how she
felt and I was just blank... I didn't know what to say...
but he was making her upset and so I was trying to cheer
her up because he wasn't showing her any interest. He
treated her like a friend and didn't give her a lot of
attention and she didn't like it. My friend and her friend
and myself tried to tell her that my ex just wants to have
friends right now. He doesn't want a relationship right now
and she has to accept it. I accepted it and that's why I'm
not doing anything about it...

She thinks I don't have feelings for him anymore and I
dunno what to tell her? I still do have feelings for him...
but I don't want her to be hurt and everything... I'm not a
threat... my ex and I don't even talk. So yeah... I dunno
what to say to her... because I really want to help her,
but I dunno what to say? It feels so weird... just knowing
what is going on and having no control of it.

It hurts hearing how she feels about him because she calls
what she felt love and they weren't even seeing each other.
I don't mind the fact that she likes him and he likes
her... but I can't stand the fact that she considers it
love and I know my ex didn't consider it love because I
know him as well as I know my hand. He just likes the fact
that someone likes him. I mean... I would feel flattered if
someone liked me, but I wouldn't do anything about it if I
don't like the person back. That's why I'm not mad at
her... I'm mad at him for hurting her like that and hurting
me like that.

She is hurt too... but she didn't feel love... she just
feels a lack of feelings... infactuation gone bad... real
love is acceptance...

I was talking to a friend of ours and she said that H is
just getting too into what happened... they are nothing now
but H is still there... and she is becoming selfish
thinking that my ex should pay attention to her when all he
wants is to be free for his last year with all of his
friends... and I agree... if I didn't... then I'd be trying
something... I accept the fact we aren't friends and the
fact that we're not going to get back together... but I
know... it hurts.