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2002-03-12 00:26:22 (UTC)

Ethics Bowl Ethics

The exact opposite of what one might think on the subject.

Along with my other random activities at my univeristy, I
am also a member of our Ethics Bowl team. Our team bulletin
defines the experience as "teams of people arguing
principles of ethics and morality over pre-established
cases. Points are awarded to the team which makes the best
point, gives the best examples, presents their view the
best, answers judges questions to the greatest
satisfaction, etc."

The aformentioned activities all take place at something
called an Ethics Bowl (hence Ethics Bowl teams). An Ethics
Bowl is a gathering of people, predominantly male, who get
together to have cutthroat arguements about hypothetical
cases that are so far from reality, that most people's
overly moral and idealized interpretation couldn't be
farther from what should and could be done in real life.
Wait! Did my definition just differ from that in the
bulletin? You're damn straight it does. And trust me, it
doesn't just differ in policy.

Notice I said that most teams are predominantly male. This
serves to set the stage for the enviornment during many of
the competitions. As anyone can imagine, a large group of
males arguing about policy and such is a dangerous
combination. Most down time is spent with the males
prancing around like peacocks, flaunting
their "intellectual superiority" in front of their
collegues... and attempting to impress the few females in

Being a female in such an event is a traumatic experience.
Being an attractive female is absolutely death. Not only do
75% of the guys there follow you around like sick puppy
dogs... instead of trying to impress you with sonnets, they
try to impress you with their innate grasp of
Utilitarianism. "Oh yeah baby... the principle of Utility
says that the needs of the whole are more important than
those of the few. And I need you." *insert large groan

As if this isn't bad enough, most of the judges are old,
fat cat CEO's of large corporations that happen to sponsor
the event. It always tickles me pink when a judge, who
obviously knows nothing about ethics in the first place,
tries to question my reasoning on a case. When this
happens, I always have the urge to look at their company
button and think.. "Hum... wasn't it you who laid off
900,000 people last month because you and your mistress
decided to go on a summer Holiday to Europe? I thought so."

Through my experiences at last year's statewide competition
(of which I think will be cloned or worsened by this
weekend's competition) I have learned that having long legs
and breasts is a no-no if you would like people to listen
to you and take you seriously. But wait! You would think
that being an ETHICS bowl that such views of feminity and
females being objects would not stand. Hah! If it's
possible, I feel like a bigger piece of meat at the Ethics
bowl than anywhere else. Kind of sad, really... but in the
end it is all worth it. Yes, being ogled over, being
flirted with, being whistled at.... it is all worth it when
we actually go into competition. Why? Because nothing feels
better than completely demolishing an opposing team's
argument, and making them feel lower than the heels I use
to crush them with. Nothing says "I'm a lovely female" like
making an opposing all-male team eat your dust. And nothing
makes me feel like I'm on top of the world like 5 men
staring at me with horrified looks- as I completely yoink
away any chances they have of winning.

Yes fellas, I'm female.. and I just 'schooled your ass.'
Hear me roar.