ThOuGhTs Of A LoTuS ChiLd
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2002-03-11 22:37:53 (UTC)

Life is Sick and Sad

well ok ive proved yet again that i CAN NOT keep a
diary....im sorry but im a lazy fuck...and i feel that my
life isnt worth recording when it really is..know why? cuz
its MY GODDAMN LIFE!!! sooooooooo much shit has went down
since i last wrote but when doesnt shit go down in my life?
well the dance and v-day came blah blah i danced i had a
good time and all then v-day ya know how i said steve would
do sumthin really great....ha yeah right he got me sum
candy from the store last minute...i poured my soul into
that damn gift basket...he appreciated it tho...speaking of
me and steves relationship..its going downhill...ive
realized that steves main objectives in life is to party
with his friends...i come second so does skool and
everything else...we're only a couple when its convenient
for him.he wont call me or see me for a week or so then
he'll stop by and we'll go out for a few hours then hes
gone for another week.im fucking sick of it...he didnt even
stop and see me for my b-day ....not at all this weekend.my
b-day was friday and i was sick all day and all day
saturday....he said he was stopping by and didnt....thats
sooo fucked up..he didnt come to my family b-day party
sunday either so im like fuck this....i dont need to put
myself through bulllshit like this anymore...i dont even
need a man....i realized that im really not happy when im
in a relationship...as long as i have friends i'll do just
speaking of friends i realized i have the best friends
in the world lately....first off manda and chris.....god
love em....i do....they got themselves into sum serious
trouble and they both got locked up...friday morning i had
a dream that they got out and came and saw me..later that
day manda called me and said she was out!!! she said chris
was still in but he has a court tdate wednesday....this
could be good or bad for the both of them...chris could
get out or stay in and manda could possibly go back...but
my prayers and love is with them.i kno there both goin
crazy without each other...there so in love...it makes me
smile..lol usually i wanna puke when i see couples like
that but with them i know its real.and im here for em no
matter what
then there robert...hes had sum problems with the law
too..his g'f and him split and she got a restraining
order...hes been through so much and yet hes always there
for me...i try to be there for him....he did the sweetest
thing for my b-day.....he tried to get jamie madrox to sing
me happy b-day
last but surely not least is HC Mike....that boy...mike
drove 4 hrs from ohio just to see my on my b-day...then
when he got there and i was in bed sick instead of leaving
like a normal person would he stayed beside me all evening
and took care of me and just put up with my sorry ass...he
prolly caught my cold too....im sorry i couldnt of said bye
to him but he left before i could.mike made me realize alot
this weekend....and im grateful to have sumone like him in
my life...he means the world to me.
well i spent friday in bed,saturday i got up loafed
around the house then i had dinner with my dad,sunday was
the family b-day party....a day filled with food,lil kids
runnin around,my mom and sister fighting and of course my
Carnival Of Carnage b-day cake!!! i got sum nice skrilla
too...87 bones..which im taking wit me toi the MM
tour...homie jon ordered our tickets yesterday and im so
pumped for the show...plus GOTJ is in Peoria,IL baby and
imma be there for it all!!! its gonna be sooooooo tight but
we'll talk about that when it gets near july.well im
failing algebra 2 but im trying sooo hard to pull it back
up..imma try and get adam to tutor me...well ive written
M-C-L ALL!!!