My life as Trick
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2002-03-11 18:23:44 (UTC)

Plunging Headfirst Into Oblivion

If you perceived a person to be running hard and fast for
the edge of a cliff, do you tell them?

Of course.

If you tell them over and over, and they don't listen, do
you keep trying?

Of course.

If they still seem to just not give a [email protected], do you still
shout it at the top of your lungs?

Of course.

But now I'm hoarse. I can't continue. I've come to the
conclusion that I'm mentally and emotionally drained, and I
just don't care anymore.

Why does my roomate not see that he is steadily going back
to his old habits? Why does he think that he's just going
to get to that cliff and just stare over the edge, when
he's not been able to stop himself before?

Why does he stubbornly, adamantly shut down his brain when
he is confronted by the truth from his sponsor, his
roommate, his friends, and his parents?

Why does he cling to the possibility of "nothing will
happen" when he isn't going to be in a position of being
able to control the situation?

Why does he overthink everything so that he's following the
technicalities while corrupting the essence?

Are humans that fatalistic in our pursuits? Are we so
confident in our ability to bounce back, that even the
threat of death holds no meaning?

He says that he came here to have a support group and
because he needed to surround himself with level thinkers.

What good is that when you ask for advice and then don't
care to hear the answers? Do I just have to accept the fact
that he's always done what he wants when he wants, and he
always will...even when that journey has ended up in the
emergency room?

And once he's drained the people that are there to help
him, who's going to be there next time? Who is he going to
turn to for help and then ignore?

"You're not supposed to make me feel guilty." he says. If
that's the only way that you will listen, then it's all
I've got. You won't listen to reason. You won't follow
common sense.

Travelling to Iowa for a week with a girl that can't
control her own use is not good. You don't know anyone else
and she controls your ability to come and go. This is not

Especially when not 72 hours ago you tell me that the two
of you used to wind up snorting cat dander out of a carpet
in your attempts to get high off of spilled cocaine.

Especially when you tell me that "I can see myself in a
long-term relationship" with a guy you haven't known 2
weeks. Of course, since you can see youself in a long-
term", then it's okay for you to have sex. You're not
really breaking the rules.

Except that you've said that about the last 3 or 4 guys
you've come into contact with who made you horny. And no,
you haven't slept with them, but the "I can see myself in a
long-term relationship" phrase gets old. It tends to lose
it's meaning.

You are an adult.
I have to let you be one.
I have to let you make your own decisions.

Okay. I've said what I have to say; I've gotten it out of my system.

Hey. Look out. There's a cliff there.