Amy

*Its just not healthy, but i can't stop*

Im letting everyone know.... this is gonna be one boring
entry. It is what i have come to figure out in the past 10
minutes or so. I guess iv always known, im just fully
admiting it now. I got just about all this from an entry from
Ice Blue Sparkles diary.... you all should read it. Im
just trying to figure this all out in my head.... and what
better place to put it down than in my very own personal
diary???

(Iv stared the things that apply to me and quoted
everything i got from ice blue sparkles diary)

"BULIMIA NERVOSA

Bulimia is characterized by a cycle of binge eating
followed by purging to try and rid the body of unwanted
calories. A binge is different for all individuals. For one
person a binge may range from 1000 to 10000 calories, for
another, one cookie may be considered a binge. Purging
methods usually involve *vomiting and laxative abuse*.
Other forms of purging can involve excessive exercise,
*fasting*, use of diuretics, *diet pills* and
enemas.Bulimics are usually people that *do not feel secure
about their own self worth*. They usually *strive for the
approval of others*. *They tend to do whatever they can to
please others, while hiding their own feelings*. Food
becomes their only source of comfort. Bulimia also serves
as a function for *blocking or letting out feelings*.
Unlike anorexics, bulimics do realize they have a problem
and are more likely to seek help.

SIGNS BULIMIA NERVOSA
Binge eating*
Secretive eating (food missing)*
Bathroom visits after eating(sometimes)
Vomiting(sometimes)
Laxative**
diet pill* or diuretic abuse(i dont know what a diuretic
is....)
Weight fluctuations (usually with 10-15 lb range)*
Swollen glands(maybe?)
Broken blood vessels*
Harsh exercise regimes
Fasting*
Mood swings***********(big one for me)
Depression(maybe?)
Severe self-criticism***
Self-worth determined by weight*******(another big one)
Fear of not being able to stop eating voluntarily
Self-deprecating thoughts following eating**
Fatigue
Muscle weakness*
Tooth decay(one of the two reasons i dong regularly throw
up)
Irregular heartbeats(maybe?)
Avoidance of restaurants*, planned meals or social events
Complains of sore throat
Need for approval from others*******(majorly)
Substance abuse
Ipecac abuse(i dont know what an ipecac is)
Fatigue
lack of energy
Amenorrhea(loss of menstruation)
irregular menstruation*
Dizziness
Headaches***(All the time.... could be because my contact
perscription is changing?)
Dehydration***
Constipation and diarrhea
Shortness of breath*
Irregular heartbeats(maybe?)
Depression(possibly)
Tears of esophagus(the other reason i dont throw up
regularly)
Hair loss(thank god no.... iv got really thick hair)
Stomach pain and bloating*
Erosion of teeth enamel
Chronic sore throat
Kidney and liver damage(maybe.... from all the pills iv
been popping)
Parotid gland enlargement(maybe?)
Electrolyte imbalances(maybe?)
Cathartic colon (caused from laxative abuse)(maybe?)
Edema (swelling of hands and feet)(i think so)
Low blood pressure(maybe?)
Chest pains
Development of peptic ulcers and pancreatitis (inflammation
of the pancreas)
Gastric dilation and rupture
Abrasions on back of hands and knuckles
Anemias
Cardiac arrest and death

SYMPTOMS Bulimia Nervosa
Vomiting*
Fasting*
Visits to the bathroom after eating*
Binge eating*
Broken blood vessels*
Complains of sore throat
Swollen glands*
Fatigue Depression and mood swings**
Muscle weakness*
Abuse of alcohol and/or drugs
Tooth decay
Secretive eating*
Harsh exercising patterns
Abuse of Ipecac
laxatives*
diuretics and/or diet pills*
Self-criticism****
Self-worth determined by weight****
Self-hate feelings after eating***
Avoids restaurants, planned meals etc
Needs approval from others************

I do know that eating disorders go deeper than food...the
symptoms are not just weight gain....but also depression,
what appears as laziness..or the fear of failure....low
self esteem....procrastination...etc..."

This is me..... but maybe im blaming my laziness low self
esteem and procrastination and horrible fear of failure
(those apply to me) on my unhealthy relationship with food
or they are really symptoms??? Who knows. Right now my
wrists are killing me.... much worse than before.
*Swelling/painful joints???*