~*Diary Of A Lost Soul*~
2001-05-10 23:47:02 (UTC)

5/10/01 7:36pm

I cannot take this anymore... The restlessness, the
anxiety, the hurt... It's just too much to bear. I mean
back a few years ago I always would say to myself that if a
few certain things would change then I would be alright...
Well guess what, they have and I'm still not. Actually as I
look back on it today I just can't seem to remember what
was so bad about that period in my life... I mean compared
to now it just seems so insanely trivial. These days it's
like I am slowly fading away... fading into nothingness.
And it's really a scary thought to think that I will be
this way for my whole life... What if things never change?
What if my mind curses the rest of my life the way that it
is doing now? What kind of existance is an existance lived
in pain... in fear... in loneliness. The pain won't go
away... That is something I have learned & lived with for
quite some time... The same goes for the fear... And the
loneliness, well back when I was in middle school I used to
think to myself that I would never have a boyfriend... That
I would always be single... Well here I am years later with
many boyfriends behind me, yet I am still lonely... I am
still alone. Of course being with the guy that I love is
one of the greatest things in the world and I would not
trade it for anything but the loneliness still lurks... And
it's all because of my accursed mind... My horrid
thoughts... in other words, me. It's I who creates this
prison which I call my life & it'll be I who forever will
be burdened by it.

: :Rachel: :