Yellow Angel

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2001-05-10 22:57:44 (UTC)

May 10, 2001

Today is Larry's birthday. He's 23 I think. He's such a
nice guy, he is like the older brother i never had. He's
been coming over a lot lately. I sit outside with him and
watch the boys. Dylan is going to be 2 tomorrow. He got
really big. It's still weird to think of Larry as a father
but he does a good job. A lot better than Carla anyway. I
feel terrible saying that but I can't help it. Her boys
never see her anymore. I mean when I had them 120 hours a
week, that's equivalant to 6 days a week 20 hours a day, at
least they were at her house. A 3 and 5 year old shouldn't
be without their mother that much and now it is so much
worse. They see her maybe once a week becuase she spends
all her time at her boyfriends house. I guess he may be
moving in at the end of the summer. ANd Dan (their father)
just lost his job so he's not going to be able to give them
everything they need, I mean he'll find a way but it's
going to be rough. I miss Zack and Cal though, I was like
their mother over the summer...they start crying everytime
I leave them...It upsets me soo much. I had them all day
Tuesday and Wednesday...I didn't want to leave.

I applied for a job too. At the Picture People, that would
be good because I would be working with kids a lot. I hope
I get it jsut because I need out of my house. And I
wouldn't feel so bad taking money from my parents because I
would be earning my own.

OHMYGOD!! I was listening to the radio on my way home from
acing my calculus II final and I founf out that Aerosmith
is playing at River Rave. How psyched am I? Aerosmith,
Live, Lifehouse, New Found Glory, Drop-kick Murphy's, and
soo many more! I can't wait until May 26th. It is going
ot be the greatest!

My friend Dawn has been calling me a lot lately. We kind
of stopped being good friends since I called her a whore
but we were in a fight and people say things like that
while they are fighting. At least I said it to her face
and not behind her back. But like, she thinks she is
pregnent, well not anymore, but she thought she was until
last night becuase now she thinks she had a miscarriage.
if she didn't, she says she is going ot have an abortion
because she is 15 and she's too young. Which yes, I agree
but it is her own fault and she shouldn't be having an
abortion because she was dumb adn didn't use protection.
It really bothers me. I am completely against abortion and
I wouldn't be able to sit there and be all nice to her if
she had one. I couldn't, I would think totally different
of her. I don't know what to do. I mean I want to help
her but if she won't go get tested and she won't talk to
someone who knows what to do, then I can't help. And I'm
getting aggravated becuase she wants me to give her answers
but I don't know! I've never been pregnant, nevermind had
a miscarriage or even thought of abortion. I mean
seriously, ask someone with like experience with that

Brad has been all upset lately too. Not only because he
and Christine broke up but he has no prom date. I keep
telling him that he has to go because he is going to regret
it if he doesn't go. He has sooo many friends so I don't
see why he jsut doesn't take one of them. I told him to
take Tracy, but I don't think she would go with him and he
doesn't want to take her anyway. I don't know, I just
think it is stupid if he doesn't go. He should go
stag...he'd have more fun that way. He wouldn't feel
obligated to anyone but whatever, not my business really.

Well, I am going to go to the high school concert now. It
starts at 7:30 and I want to get a coffee before hand. I
drink way too much coffee...