OneGurlArmy

love and sex and miss-matched socks
2002-03-10 14:56:25 (UTC)

lester is right...

It is hard to give when the need is so great.
But i dont understand why we cannot reciprocate.
(looky that lester. its a rhyme!)
I mean... I give a little... he gives a little... then we
put it all in the middle and jump in and share and then no
one has to sit here and cry about the hunger anymore.
i just dont understand.

I am not sure if i should call him today.
not now, it is a bit early.
He called me at work yesterday but i wasnt able to talk and
i told him i would return his call when the store was empty
and i did.
But no one answered and the answering machine didnt pick up.
it happened 3 times.

so i did call back. and thats what i told him id do. but i
want to talk to him. But i am not sure where the boundries
lie between us anymore.

he just walked away.

gosh.

i thought i had this under control.
Not this situation.
My feelings about it.
I thought last night that it IS stupid to cry because i
know in the end we will get back together and that it is
obsurd for me to think anything contradictory.
But I am afraid its not obsurd.
I am afraid it is the truth.

and now as i sit here, miserable and empty with my eyes
dull, i cry.

my chin crinkles and lines form in my forhead and my nose
turns red and a salty drop runs its stream down my cheek
and lands upon my breast that i oh so wish was josh.

this is not right.
I can not deal.
crying is not an effective coping method.
it doesnt do me any good.

i need to adopt another.

ALL I WANT TO DO IS BE WITH JOSH.
i can not think.
but i know thats all i need.




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