camicazy

Meshed Up
2002-03-10 13:26:35 (UTC)

bits and pieces

mmm..feel a bit sad =( perhaps it's because nobody
responded to my call of help in my past entry. pathetic
isn't it? i just need help. my insecurities are eating me
from the inside... destroying me bit by every bit.

argh fucking irritating. here i am trying to listen
to 'lightning crashes' by live and my sister starts playing
her japanese anime cd! i mean, my goodness why didn't she
listen to that cd during the time when i wasn't listening
to anything? she always does that! turns on the tv when i
just turn on the radio, or turning on her friggin japanese
anime cd crap. i can't listen to two things at the same
time. i find it irritating.

just decided to rant a bit about her. she's been getting on
my nerves. again.

to business then...

my teacher back in high school, sir menguin, emailed me
this morning and asked me to answer one question in one
sentence. i do not have to answer it now... i can think
about it for a week, a month..perhaps two. i just have to
answer it, and explain every word that i used in that
sentence. question is, WHAT IS MY MISSION IN LIFE?

why don't you try to answer that question too? WHAT IS YOUR
MISSION IN LIFE? don't be rash in answering. think about
your answer for a while first..then perhaps, you can tell
me what your mission is.

let me see what i can think about now. what is my mission?
what are my goals?

--to make a difference.
yeah..i do want to make a difference. i want to change the
world. i want my voice to be heard above the loud noise of
everyday living. i want to reconstruct society. i want to
wake people up and shake them from their dream. welcome to
the real world honey.

--to love myself.
i want to love myself for who and what i am. i am me..what
more can i be?

--to play counterstrike efficiently.
hehe...i'm hopeless in counterstrike! jeez..i should
practice more and kick the other players' arses!

--to take my life by the hand.
i want to be in control. i want to be able to do what i
want, where i want, when i want. i don't wanna answer to
anybody. i want to be able to lead my life whichever way i
please.

--to have revenge.
i want to let my parents know exactly how bad they have
treated me. i'm going to make myself great one day by using
their money to acquire my education and probably social
status. i'll be successful..then i'll leave them. i'll tell
them exactly what i think of them.

--to be able to switch off my heart whenever necessary.
i'm a bit of a softie when it comes to dealing with people.
but i don't want to be so much of a softie anymore. i want
to be able to make myself tough and cold when i need to.
perhaps when it comes to situations like dealing with
nelson's girls. i won't let them affect me. i will not also
let the fact that nelson is not sending me text messages
once again affect me. i'm starting to wonder if he slept
with bernice last night...

--to be free.
i will not confine myself in small spaces. i come out
bloodied whenever i do. i will not do things for the sake
of conformity, and also for the sake of not conforming. i
will be free.

--to be the next naomi klein.
naomi klein rulez! i was able to get my hands on a copy
of 'no logo' ... her book. so far so good. =) it truly is
the bible of the new leftist movement.

--to own a magazine.
preferably a leftist magazine hehe. actually, i want a
literary magazine...an artsy magazine that would appeal to
all intellectuals out there. i want my magazine to be
praised, criticized, built up and torn down. but in the end
it will emerge.. strong, magnificent, authoritative. no
teeny boppy bullshit allowed in this magazine no way.

--to skydive.
yes yes i have to skydive before i die. i almost did last
october but dad wouldn't let me argh. i can't skydive
without his permission of course. he has the money. i don't.


i can still think of so many things that i would want to do
in this lifetime but i'm afraid it's going to be too long
and it will bore you to tears. sigh..they're just..goals.
they're not even missions. i don't know.. i really have to
think about this a lot.

hmm...nelson still hasn't texted me. anybody suspects he
slept with bernice last night? please do tell me. oh yeah,
i must say that everybody should watch 'a beautiful mind' !
gorgeous film...hypnotizing....