ashley

writings on the wall
2002-03-09 12:35:12 (UTC)

still hurting...

i feel jealous every time i see a guy holds his
girlfriend closely. why is it that i had never experienced
that before? him showing me affection in public place? i
keep asking myself if i am destined to be alone in this
world, with no one to go home to, no one to share my
thoughts and feelings with. i desperately wants someone to
love but i am also scared...

i messaged him on the phone but he never replied. i
was hurt, as usual. why is it so hard for me to forget
about him? i am wondering if he is now happy with his
current girlfriend. well, today at the Moomba carnival, i
saw a guy who reminded me of him, except that this guy was
fatter. he's not cute but there's something about him that
attracts me to him.

the other day i went for a drink with Paddy. it had
been almost 4 years since we saw each other and there he
was, cuter than ever. i got to know a lot about him that
night, including the fact that he just broke up with his
girlfriend of 18 months last December. i felt this urge to
kiss him goodnight but in the end, we only hugged each
other. he was nice, trying to be a tour guide and such. i
was touched but then i think we had problems
communicating, him being an Aussie and me, being me...


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