blueswede

who dealt this mess?

Sometimes it amazes me just how bad my luck really is.

So on Thursday, I was conversing with a friend of mine, and
as I'd been meaning to do for some time, I asked her out.

Turns out her parents won't allow her to date.

I just could not believe it. Everything seemed to be right
for developing some sort of relationship. We actually had
something in common, we got along well, we could carry on a
decent conversation. She'd even start conversations with me
that didn't involve asking me for help with homework.

So I finally meet a girl with whom I might have some chance,
and outside forces prevent anything from happening. With
any luck, things won't be weird from here on, but who really
knows. I only saw her once today, and then had to leave to
go to photography and work on my project. If nothing else,
she didn't seem offended by my offer.

It's tough to say which is really worse: failure due to some
outside force, or failure due to my own flaws. At least if
the problem is strictly with me, I have someone to blame for
it, someone to despise. But if her parents won't allow her
to date, there's really no target. I can't really say that
they're wrong in their practices, because that sort of thing
is way too subjective, and depends on everything from one's
culture to one's degree of paranoia about the world.

It is annoying, though. She actually seemed halfway open to
going to catch a flick with me on the weekend. I considered
that she might just be making excuses, but that didn't make
sense; nobody's going to make an excuse like that just for
the purpose of not going out with someone. Ah well, should
be able to tell for sure before too long.

Anyway, I was feeling bummed about that situation today, so
I went to the all-city pom squad competition, hosted at my
school. It was crowded and way too hot, but hey, got to see
some hot girls do some excellent dance routines.

My parents had gone out to dinner for their anniversary, so
I was on my own for food. None of my friends who attended
the event wanted to go eat, and no one who wasn't there was
even around. So, I ended up going to a burger joint later
on. That was depressing as fuck. Going out for dinner just
isn't any fun when you're alone.

As I was waiting for service, it hit me that maybe the life
I'm leading (or at least trying to lead) really isn't right
for me. Maybe I'm trying to be something I'm actually not,
or live a life that's just not meant for people like me.

Maybe I'm just not meant to really be social. I still spend
most of my time alone. Whenever I find myself in a possibly
good social situation, I manage to fuck it up. I grow apart
from my friends, manage to offend people all over the place,
get sick of doing things, etc.

Maybe, just maybe, I am meant to be alone.

This is Dave, signing off.