The Real Deal

Reality
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2002-03-09 04:06:25 (UTC)

I don't know anymore...

Well... my days are getting better I guess...

We finally said something to each other... but it was just
him taking a test and me asking him, "How did you do?" and
he said he wasn't done. So I just left him alone. That's
all. I didn't really mind nor found anything... but he
looked so good. I like it when he doesn't gel his hair.
*Sigh* But I'll be okay. I'm taking it one step at a time.
I don't want to trip and fall.

Alex and I are flirting more and more, but nothing is
happening. We're just friends and I like it as it is. If
something were to happen, then I'd be okay with it, but I
like it like this. Besides... I'm not ready yet... I want
to have my ex out of my mind for good. He's almost out
there, but I dunno if he's really out there or just out of
my sight. He means a lot to me tho... but he's with someone
else now... so why bother?

I am proud of myself for not looking at him during class!
Woo-hoo! I didn't even glimpse at him. I was too tired from
all the work I had to do. Too much work is not good.

But if it gets my mind off stuff, then I'll do as much work
as possible. I know I'm running away from my problems...
but what else is there to do?

Also... People say I'm too young to know about what I feel... but
they don't know how I feel... most people who have been together for
a long time have had sex or I'll put it in a nice way... made love...
but my ex and I never did that stuff... we believed that if we truly
loved each other... we didn't need that to show each other we loved
each other. We never had sex nor made love... we didn't need anything
to feel good... love itself is suppose to feel good... so what I felt
is true... I have no strings or connections that he owed me
something... I feel something true... So there is my voice...

Life is getting better... I don't need to work as hard as I
did and I have less to worry about... but it always come
back to that problem...

To Sandra: Thank you for the song and everything. :) I like
all kinds of music. So thank you for the site. :) I'm
almost going to college. I am almost 18 and my ex did mean
a lot to me... more than anything... I know I'm young...
but I know what I feel. I have been with a lot of guys who
made me feel special... but none of them were able to bring
sparkles to my eyes like this one. We planned college
together and then some. We planned our last year
together... we were what everyone called, "Perfectly in
love". A year is something you should never forget
about. :) I know I don't believe in luck either... :) Only
in gambling... :) I hope we contact more! :)
- L.S


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