BlueAngel

Thoughts from Blue Angel
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2002-03-09 03:10:10 (UTC)

I Don't Want to Wake Up

I don't want to wake up tomorrow morning. I wish I could
just go to sleep and not have to face tomorrow.

On the outside, I'm perfectly happy. Pledging to an
awesome sorority... making great grades... staying very
involved on student senate.... I have a smile and a
friendly word for everyone. My door is almost always open.

What they don't know is that on the inside, I'm suffering.
When my door is closed, I'm crying. When I'm cranky, all I
want is for someone to ask what's wrong.

I tell Tyler and Brad. They get frustrated. "I hate to
see you like this." All I want them to do is hold me while
I cry and tell me that I'm special and that they'd miss me
if I were to leave their lives... But they only
say, "Don't be so down on yourself." Do they think I feel
this way because it's fun???

Why do I even tell them?

I wish I had the strength to do it... I admire those who
do. But I'm too weak. So I'll wake up tomorrow. I'll
feel this horrible feeling... and no one will know.
They'll see the smile and hear the friendly voice. And
they won't care to see more.


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