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2001-05-10 02:04:24 (UTC)

an end.

well...today was today. (ashley being profound.)
i got my book signed by a lot of people at school today.
its werid how people segregate themselves into
classifications and all that bullshit. but recently its
been feeling like all those boundaries or whatever have
been lifted. and people are being real. too bad this
couldnt have happened earlier...but at least it has begun.
i hope that they continue to be like that after all these
people leave school...its a lot healthier.
but anyway yeah, and i realize today that i will be leaving
a lot of people that i actually care about. i didnt really
think about it, because i hate my school so much. but today
i actually broke down and cried. it was very odd. but i was
happy all at the same time. i made life long friends. you
know...some of these people ive known since kindergarden,
or before. it will be different. but this is the way life
is, i suppose.
i saw my ex, jennifer today. im worried about her. she
hasnt been taking care of herself. and i cant anymore. i
hope shes okay. shes my first love. my first everything,
and i dont know what i would do without her. shes leaving
for college soon. and that will definetly take it toll on
it seems like everything that has been slighty stable in my
life is about to be turned upside down, and for some
strange reason i feel like this has just snuck up on me. i
guess i just didnt see it coming.
i have messed up so much and a chapter of my life is coming
to a close.
and i feel that with this end, i will have the end of a lot
of pain and regret that i have subconsciencely cared with
me the last few years of my life.
but at the same time. with this end comes a beginning...
and that is always scary.
although it is exciting.
i have seen myself drift from all of my friends.
different directions. different objections.
and i will miss them.
but i will not forget the times we spent.
the times i fucked up.
the times i fucked.
but i will finally have peace.
with myself.
and thats more than i could ever ask for.