.Scream Your Dream.

this is forever

what a nice version of napoleon solo by at the drive.in
that was so nice, i made so many tapes. i feel very
accomplished, i even started putting the damn zine
together, the website is nearly up (all we need is somthing
callled an IP adress which is very expensive/a bitch to get)

im listening to thursday - cross out the eyes, this is such
a fucking good song, god dammit!

"tear this canvas from the wall"

fuckin thursday, go and break my heart already,
i wrote SOO much over the past 2 days, pages. i feel so
proud, and pleased, with what ive written, i even started
pasting down some pages, and will work on a broken star
page with a white background with black showing through cut
out star holes, it looks tremendous in my head right now,
im soo happy we are getting this bitch out, it will be an
amazing accomplishment for bryse and i. and hopefully will
look very tasteful with the angel and satin ribbon and a
little wax/tracing paper on top.

i have decided that my relationship with bryse is
exceptionaly differnt than any ive had before. we really do
love each other, like somthing romantic, but not at all.
when we leave a room, or say good bye on the phone, we
say "i love you" ive never said i love you this much and
actualy meant it.

im done being jealous about sam, im done breaking my heart
over him, hes an amzing boy, no reason i should feel
protectice or possessive. i wish him the best of luck,
and i love him like a friend, thats all i will ever say.

zac, dont get me started, i think ive started my 12 step
program of getting away from him, step one, acceptance.
yes i do love him. (or somthing)
i guess the rest of the steps aer somthing like, beccoming
distant, avoidance, being a jerk to him, maybe hitting on
his brother or somthing. just moving on.
(being friends with his mom, doesnt exactly help, shes just
about the nicest mom ever though, we talked about "girl
stuff" last night, getting your eye brows waxed, and boys,
and this and that) it just about killed me, she started
talking about zac, and how he's "growing up" and this and
that, reminded me of holden caulfield, reminded me of
everything, just about killed me.

im outta here for the night, have the house to myself, dad
and ben are at the big play off basketball for State
championships, im just home,t yping and writing later. i
made quality tapes and excellent music, i feel great. 2
shows this weekend, and im excited for them too. junior
palying twice and the reunion show, which'll rock so hard,
i cant even say. good night.