still single

Embarrassing

So anyway I don't know whre to begin. Jason didn't come
home last night and I called him this morning on his cell
to hear another girls voice in the background.Well he
denies it but I know I may be pregnant but I'm not hearing
things.Also says he's slept w/over 15 girls in the past
month yet has claimed to want this baby. I can't do it.Then
this morning he finds a condom wrapper back from when I was
seing Dan the marine from Japan and he claims I'm the
cheater.Why is it that guys think they can just shift the
blame so easily. Anyway I have the abortion appointment
tomorrow and I'll take one of my friends because I really
don't feel very stable right now. I just wish things were
different-that he never cheated on me- and that I could
have this baby.I should would appreciate any feedback even
if it's bashing on my part. I probably deserve anything
that comes my way and it's understandable. I haven't cheatd
or lied to my boyfriend ever and he has ripped me apart
emotionally. How do I get back on track.I know I will lose
my job because I've been calling in sick so much due to
stress and illness.Well gotta go.Another thing-Why is it so
hard to find domeone who isn't physically and
oremoptionally abusive nowadays.just a thought. I've given
up the fantasy of my boyfriend changing because it will
never happen and if it did they would just resent you, but
maybe I am hanging on to a dream that mr right will come
along(and I know no relationship is perfect) and I can have
a nice sane family one day-with respect for one another.
It's my goal.