Mad Ramblings From a Blithering Idiot
When the Rain Washes You Clean You'll Know
That lyric from the song "Dreams" brings me to this
evening's true subject...
I wrote about having my hours cut on Tuesday. Well,
that night when I went to sleep I had the strangest dream.
I was zoning my department when Asst. mgr. T.J. came up to
me and said in his lurvely drawl, "Hey, Bill wants to talk
to you." In the dream I was coolly furious. I strode up
to Bill. He asked me in his fake, annoying way, "So, uh,
Kerry, what do you think of having your hours cut, eh?"
To which I calmly snarled (I can't decide whether
that's an oxymoron or not), "I hate it." Then I
psychotically screamed, "I HATE IT!" All the while I
stared at him right in his piglike beady eyes. I seemed to
see T.J.'s shocked expression. Bill gives me the dirtiest
look and and walked away. T.J. grabbed my arm and said
quietly, "This'll get you fired, you know." He dragged me
into this room that looked like a parlour straight from a
spaghetti western bordello. It was was all scarlet with
mahogany accents. I remember feeling scared, anxious, and
above all, pissed off. Bill waddled into the room and
proceeded to take off his shirt. This terrified me. His
giant gut was flopping all over the place and he was
covered with gray hair. And that mole on his nose just
seemed to grow larger and larger. Then he put on a wife
beater and flopped into an overstuffed chair and began
stuffing his face with pork rinds. I just stood there in
Then I heard laughter. I looked over and saw a young
man lounging in a similar chair, noshing on chips. He just
stared and laughed at me. Bill said to me, "My son," with
sickening pride. Then he became stern and snapped, "If you
ever, EVER do that or embarass me again, your ass is fired
you little bitch." Then he chuckled and his belly shook.
His son kept laughing and laughing. They guffawed together
as I fled from the room. As I crossed the threshold into
the store I woke up. That was weirder than the shopping
mall search dream or the dinosaur one (I've written these
down-they scared me with their oddness.)
Anyway, I woke up feeling completely angry, yet
freaked out. It took me a little while to go back to sleep.
Then, last night L and I went to see "40 Days and 40
Nights". It was ok. I think this movie led me to dream
the following weird nightly melodrama (this one is
relatively shorter than the former): I was in a dark
living room with two people that I can only assume were
very good friends of mine. We were laughing together; we
were watching a movie in the dark. They seemed to be a
couple; the guy and girl were snuggling together. Anyway,
I got up to get a drink. I walked towards the wall lined
with books, wine bottles, pop cans (I know it's weird, but
hey, it's a dream), and, predominantly lit red candles that
cast a beautifully haunting rosy glow to offset the
darkness. I looked through a space between some books and
saw a familiar face with gorgeous sky blue eyes staring
longingly at me from the hallway (on another side note-I
know it's weird that a shelving unit is an entire wall in
itself). He smiled a bit and his adorable dimples came
into view. I stood riveted to the spot-It was a face I
hadn't seen in so long. You guessed it, folks: Brian.
One more parenthetical remark: (HOW IN THE HELL IS IT
THAT SOMEONE THAT NEVER CROSSES MY MIND IN MY WAKING HOURS
MANAGES TO HAUNT ME DURING THE NIGHT?!?!)
He said softly, "Won't you let me in?"
To which I scornfully replied, "No."
One more blast from azure eyes and a "Please?"
Of course idiotic Dream Me melted and went to the door
to let him in.
He gives me a long hug, tells me he's missed me, and
we walk to the long couch where my "friends" are still
cuddling and watching the movie. They smile and say "Hi".
The MM and I sit down and he takes me in his arms. I felt
so happy, but I wanted to watch the movie also. He tries
to kiss me, but I resist-it's a critical point in the plot
of whatever film we were watching. At least, that's what I
tell him. He shrugs, smiles that adorable smile framed by
dimples, and puts his head on my lap. The movie suddenly
ended abruptly (the time frames in my dreams never ever
make sense) and all of a sudden I felt this overwhelming
desire to kiss him. I leaned down and he said,
surprisingly, I'm tired. I want to sleep."
I smiled, reached down and for some reason began to
rub his head. His hair was so soft, and I bent down to
kiss him. Then I woke up suddenly and realized that I had
been touching something soft-Pete had snuck in my room and
snuggled against me to keep warm. His little head was
nestled against my shoulder.
I felt extremely stupid upon waking up. I have a
suspicion that when I wished for a man to love me
unconditionally, God sent a sweet little rat terrier my way.
Argh. As much as I love my puppy, I want a human. Until
next time I remain the ever-plagued