Life Sucks

Why me?
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2002-03-08 03:25:41 (UTC)

first entry: about myself

hi, this is a way for me, like my other friend matt who
already started his own diary, to let go of my feelings to
those i don't know. i'm not a very open person so therefore
i feel that i can lose some of my depression by opening up
to those i don't know, or maybe just the computer itself.
i've been through a lot during my life. i'm almost 17, my
birthday is on sunday, the 10th.

my life started going down hill when i was about 8. all of
my friends always thought i had the perfect life. but
mainly because i never told anyone what i was going
through. my parents never got along, and my dad threatened
to leave a couple of times. it continued and then when i
was about 11 my brother started getting into trouble, at
school and with the law. he was into drugs and alcohol. he
was getting into trouble which just made my parents fight
even more.

i have a younger sister, who yes, is a pain, but a lot of
nights we were the only thing each other had. while
everyone else was fighting we cried ourselves to sleep (we
shared a room). but anyways... continuing on, this past
summer my parents made my family move. i'm a junior
starting at a completely new high school. what kind of crap
is that? i hate it here. yes, there's nice people here,
cute guys, nice area. but i miss my friends. although some
are acting like complete jerks, there are still those that
i know enjoy my company. i miss my ex boyfriend. that's a
whole other story though.

i'm now almost 17, my brother is finally home from jails,
etc. (he's now 19) and i was so excited when i heard he was
coming home. my whole family was. but boy, was i wrong
about that.

he's home, the first day was great, after that, it all went
down hill. i still don't get along with my younger sister,
she expects everything from me, yet when i ask her for a
favor it's a negative. my brother acts like he hates me,
and i just don't get along with my parents. it's terrible
at home. my siblings gang up on me. and yes hurt me.

i've thought of suicide but i know that even if my family
doesn't seem to care about me at times, i know they'll miss
me, plus i'm hoping my life will get better as soon as i
turn 18. i'm hoping to move in with my older half brother
once i turn 18 who lives a lot closer to my friends.

so that was all about me. today was ok, i slept in missed
some of school, and if you're wondering, yes i'm a slacker,
but i manage to get good grades, there's these 2 guys at
school, they're very good friends, let me tell you, it's
not good to like two friends. i just don't know how either
feels about me in return. at times, they both flirt, but
whatever. so i guess that's it for today. i'll keep any one
who reads this posted.