moshingkow

the expunged refuse of my evil mind
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2002-03-07 05:14:47 (UTC)

sweet

i feel so... i cant explain it. warm, happy, loving. i dont
know. whenever i think of morgan, i am happy. i always
thought, whenever i had a girlfriend, that i liked them so
much more then they liked me. but now its getting
close to being even. i feel the affection from her. i feel
how i want to feel. i really do love her. im almost
worried that im too far involved with her, emotionally,
but i really dont care, it think it would be bad if i diddnt
have this right now. ive needed someone to connect
with for so long. but this all doesnt come without a
price. i dunno. matts been acting so odd latley. morgan
is mad at matt for some reason, she diddnt tell me yet.
i dont think that in the long run, things will be as i
planned them. matts applying to college in london. i
think thats just because of christos, but i dunno. i really
hope that me and morgan stay together at least for a
half a year. hopefully we will last through some, or
maybey even all of college. but im not assuming
anything anymore. im gonna hope that we last. im
gonna pray that this works as well as i want it to. i will
do all in my power to keep her as long as i can without
our relationship going sour, and us ending up not
talking for weeks. i think that this is the most important
relationship weve had in a while. the most serious. i
thinik that we just click well. i love her, i dont know if she
loves me, it doesnt even matter. but even if she doesnt,
i know she cares for me alot, and that i would do
anything for her. ive had dreams where we are put in a
life threatening situation and i die for her. i make her
run, while i face the music. i take the pain in her place. i
really think i would do that for her. now, i see my life
worth so much more. before, i might have given my life
for something more trivial then now, but now, i have to
think of how everything effects her. everything i do now
will effect her. i dunno. small things are the most
important i think. i gotta stop doing some things, like
over teasing her. i guess sometimes i just get carried
away. stupid me. she wanted me to slap her today, i
dont know why, she slaps me sometimes, but i dont
realy care, i usually deserve it, and its not that hard. but
i dont know. i couldnt hit her. i have, but i felt really bad
afterwards. like when i snapped my tie on her ass. that
wasnt good. i felt so bad thati didd that after.

anywho. i think everything is good and geting better with
me and morgan, and i have written enough for tonite.


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