Whenever * Whatever
2002-03-07 04:01:58 (UTC)

Crawling In My Skin

I went to West Virginia on the 3rd for my birthday & stayed
with Amanda. We had so much fun & I was so happy to get out
of here for a while & be home. I was so depressed on the
actual day of my b-day though because it was spent travling
back here. I could've cried the whole day, but I didn't. I
kept it all inside like I always do.

I didn't see Ronnie because we were fighting over some
stupid shit so I figured I would just stay with Amanda &
get over it. Ya know? I guess we're through arguing now. At
least I hope so. I am so sick of fighting with people &
trying to make things better than they really are.

Other things I am sick of: (1)I am sick of the pastor & his
wife looking at me funny because I am not "Surrendered" to
God. (2)I am sick of people constantly being all up in my
life & trying to change my mind. (3)I am sick of being a
damn 17 year old minor who can't get the hell out of Nc &
back to Wv. (4)I am sick of my best friend being 3 hours
away. (5)I am sick of pigs driving around with sirens just
looking for someone to go one mile over the speed limit.
(6)I am sick of everyone being in America except Americans.
(7)I am sick of fighting with my boyfriend. (8)I am sick of
being 3 hours away from my boyfriend. (9)I am sick of
dreaming of death, being scared of it & then reaching for
it. (10)I am sick of hurting myself. (11)I am sick of other
people trying to help me. (12)I am sick of hearing "I love you" from
people who don't even know me.

I want to (1)Be left alone. (2)I want people to stop
disecting my choices & finding everything wrong they can
find with them. (3)I want people who don't know me to stop
saying they love me. (4)I want to be in Wv. (5)I want to
die. (6)I want to live. (7)I want to be free to be myself.
(8)I want my boyfriend to love me for who I am. (9)I want
the world to get the hell off my shoulders. (10)I want to
stop pretending I am happy when I'm not.